Silent Death | The Last Of Us |

Chapter Twelve: Brass Petals

The island was only about a days trip away, at least that's what Ellie told us. She has this map she won't let us see for some reason. It's starting to rain something awful, my coat doesn't have a hood unfortunately. So my hair is soaked and stuck to my head like a wet rag. Droplets of water keep rolling down into my eyes.

That feeling is back. That awful feeling. Somethings wrong, I can just feel it. I'm starting to think maybe I'm loosing it, perhaps I never woke up from that nightmare. Maybe I'm still asleep. Maybe this is all one big nightmarish dream.

We should turn back. I just know we should. This is a pointless mission, revenge I understand. But what's it worth if all we do is risk our lifes to take theirs. I feel like we're walking into something. Somethi-
"Jaden?" Joel asked, I snapped back to reality. Looking up at Joel who stood in the doorway of some dilapidated house.
"Oh... yeah." I wander inside.

It smells damp in here. But the lack of water showering onto me is nice. This would be a wonderful place to read a book, if I had one. I can see out front, thanks to the giant hole in the wall. Greenery is leaking from the hole into the home. Snaking up the walls and across the wooden floors.

I can hear seagulls. I can see them too, we must be close to the beach. Joel is rolling out our sleeping bag, Ellie is rummaging around upstairs. I don't feel like I'm really here, it all feels made up. But when Joel grabs my shoulder and kisses me I know this is real. The touch is warm. His lips are soft. This is the man I married that much I know.
"You okay? You seem out of it." He asked, nuzzling his nose into my hair.
"Yeah. I'm just tired is all."
"You sure?" Joel looks into my eyes worryingly,
"Yes. Can we go to bed?"

I laid down, Joel stuffs himself in beside me as he rolls onto his side. Holding me as I feel him behind me. The warmth.
"How'd I die in your dream?" Joel asks, I pause. How'd we get to that question?
"What?"
"You said we died in your dream. How'd I die?" He was beaten down, I was bleeding out. Blood was everywhere and he killed himself so I wouldn't die alone.

"You... You overdosed." I say, his grip on my waist shifts.
"How?" He asks, his breath snaking down my spine as I subconsciously press into him.
"I got stabbed. And when I was bleeding you took a bunch of pills so we'd go out together."
"Oh." He mumbled.

His breathing grew calmer, he was trying to fall asleep. My eyes were still having trouble closing. And with one question on my mind I ask,
"Would you ever really do that?"
"Hmm?" Joel vocalizes, shaking his concentration on sleep.
"If I die. Will you die too?" I ask hesitantly,
"Do you want me to die?"

"No. No. I just... I'm curious." I don't think I could ever live without him. I wonder...
"I don't think I could do that to Ellie." He immediately says,
"Yeah. She doesn't deserve that."

Falling asleep was easy enough after that. Well until my brain decided not to sleep anymore and woke me up in the middle of the fucking night. Joel's watch said 12:38AM. I think at least, it's hard to read it through the broken glass of the watch.

Joel had made our "bed" in what's left of a living room. So I wander away, finding myself in some sort of study on the other side of this house. There's no hole in the wall in here. It's pretty intact actually. It's coated in a thick layer of grime and decay but otherwise it's nice.

Just as I sat down in the shell of a chair the door slowly creaks open. And in comes Ellie,
"Oh. Didn't know you were up." I say, she shrugs.
"Can we chat? I really need someone to talk to." Ellie closes the door behind her, sitting on the floor.
"Yeah. Of course... what do you wanna talk about?" I sit down on the floor in front of her and await her response.

"Joel told you right?" She asks, I almost asked her what she meant until it clicked just what she was speaking of.
"...yeah. Is that what's bothering you?"
"It always has but... I just..." she grabbed her face irritatingly.
"Just....?"
"I was supposed to die in that hospital." She blurts out.

Ellie began to cry, tears in her eyes as I try my best to formulate a response.
"It's... Well... well it's not your responsibility to "save" the world." I say,
"My life would've fucking mattered. And he took that away from me." He didn't take anything. He gave her something. And maybe it was selfish. Maybe it was a terrible choice. Maybe Joel doomed the world. But he did it... for her.

"None of us matter. We're all just trying to figure out what this world is. Even though we don't have a single fucking clue. We don't matter to reality. But we do matter to each other." I lean forward and put a careful hand on her shoulder, hoping to help her in my own strange way.

"I could've been the cure." Ellie mumbles,
"Even if you were. Even if they made the vaccine, the worlds never gonna go back to the way it was. There's no law. No government. How would they even get the vaccine out there?"
"I don't know," Ellie sighed, "Why would he do that. Why would he take me."

He took her because he loves her. Loves her more than anything in the world. He might even love her more than me. He rather the world burn if it meant she was still alive.

"Think about Dina. Imagine her where you were. Imagine you were Joel. What would you have done?" I ask, Ellie sniffles.
"This whole world's just one big fucked up mess."
"That it is."