Everything Led To This

Harry

"Do you even actually like me? Like do you want to be with me Harry?" She slammed the book on my desk. That, and her question made me jump a little.

"Of course I Like you, I love you Lilly. We have been together for 4 years." I stopped and took a moment to collect my thoughts and compose my next words but then I realized that it was too long of a pause, and it was too late..

"But you don't want to be with me." The first time it was a question, now it's a statement.

"I.." What do I even say to her...?
Do i love her? Of course, she was my first love, my first kiss, she was my first everything. Highschool without her would be hell. But do I want to continue this? This is not a relationship anymore, it's just yelling and tears and fights. She doesn't deserve this, and neither do I..
And I would lie if i told her there is no one else, because of course there is. Isn't there always? Or am I just an asshole?

In my case it is green eyed girl helping me with my studies. She is kind and smart, so different from Lilly. I think that is why she caught my eyes. Nothing happened of course, I'm not the one to cheat. I never would. But i cannot look at Lilly and pretend everything is fine, and nothing has changed. I have changed, and so did she.
When I left for college, she chose to stay. And I respect that, but it is painfully oblivious that we cannot work a long distance relationship. I tried to change that, to fix the problem, but it failed. We failed..

"This is how you want to end things? You are such a loser Harry!"

"Sorry.." That was all i could say. I really was.

The sound of unlocking door was overpowered by her palm meeting my cheek. She was red, with tears in her eyes.. I hate seeing her like that, i want to hold her and beg her to take me back... Already.
Derek came into the room and scanned the scene.

"Fuck you, and go to hell asshole!" She grabbed her bag and stormed out.

"Nice seeing you Lils!"

"Screw you too Revera!"

"So, rough day i assume?" He placed a bag on his bed and sat next to me on mine.

"It's over, she is gone Derek. I ended it." I was still holding my cheek, a little stunned by all that has happened.

"Hey, that is good. You did good. It was pointless. You would hurt her more if you stayed." He hugged me and pulled me into his chest. "It wasn't meant to be.."
"Yeah.." I hugged him back and let all the feelings come down on me.

The morning alarm hit me like a truck. I have lectures... Fuck, i hate mondays. I tried to get up but Derek's hand pulled me closer to his chest cuddling me more. Ah yes, i balled my eyes out to him last night and then we fell asleep in my bed. That is not a rare occasion as I would like it to be. He does that a lot, just slips into my bed with different reasons. Last night was my fault. He didn't wanna leave me, I was too sad, and needed a friend.

I have known him for as long as I know myself, he is my platonic soulmate, as somebody once told us. I see him as closer than a brother. Still annoying as a real brother.. He is a great friend and even greater human being, and that is somehow rare in today's world.
Derek always took care of me, since we were kids i was always the smaller and weaker child and he found it his duty to protect me. We were always together, my parents adored him, still do, they call him their second son. His family is a bit more complicated. A lot more stricter. I think that is why he has such a rebel personality when it comes to his parents.

"Can you let me go? I have morning class."
He rubbed his head on my back and tighten his grip on me. "And I have morning wood, we gotta fix that first."
"You are disgusting." I scratched my way out of his hug of death and went to change.

After me silently getting ready and him wiggling in my bed he was the one to break the silence. "Hey, will you be okay today?"

"Yes Derek." I said too roughly. I somewhat expected that question from him. "You cannot hold my hand and take me through life. I have to do some things alone."

"No you don't."

"Derek.." I wince anoyed. I turned around to face him and he was already there, just a feet away from me.
He grabbed my cheeks and pulled my face to his. "I will not let you suffer alone. Do you hear me jerk?" I nodded my head and removed his hands .

"Thank you."

"Of course I can promise you that I will always be here."
I took a moment to absorb his words. "I don't want you in my bed when i get back."
He stopped for a moment, one leg already on my bed. "That... I cannot promise."

"Morning Hackel. Oh God, you look..."
"Morning Williams, please don't finish that sentence."
"Sorry, I heard what happened."
"What? Already?" Roger Williams nodded slowly. How is it possible that he already knows. I didn't leave my room, and neither did Derek, maybe...
"Hey, before you go all in your head and become all weird with conclusions. We heard you."
My first thought was Rude. He called me weird. My second thought... "We?"
"Yeah man, like the whole campus heard you guys scream at each other.."
Lovely...

After lecture I went to library, a quiet place for my loud mind.
I would lie if I said I didn't expect to see her here. But I was a little surprised that she was the one that approached me first.
"Hello Harry, how are you?" She sat next to me placing her bag and laptop down.
"Oh hey Riley, I must admit that I have been better. How about you?"
"Yeah I heard, I'm sorry about your girlfriend."
"Well ex girlfriend." I unnecessary corrected her.
She looked at me, and offered me a gentle smile. "Sorry."
"It's fine, it wasn't meant to be."
She nodded and opened her laptop putting an end to our conversation.

She was truly beautiful, her smile was lovely, not as Derek's, he had a smile that could stop your breath for a moment.
I find myself staring at her and compering all the ways her and Derek are great in their own unique way. And then I stoped. Why was i doing that exactly? Okay I like her, she is great but why compare her with someone else. And not my ex for example. But my best friend... My best friend who is waving at me.... Standing by the window and what is he doing with his hands.... Oh God, he is nasty...
"Why are you making that face?"
"Oh, umm my friend is calling for me. I'm sorry Riley, we can study tomorrow."
She just smiled and waved. Good God, she is just so...

We were walking to our dorm room, and i finally asked him.
"What was that?"
"What?"
"The hand thingy."
"Oh, well this is your dick, and this is her.."
"Derek...I swear to God."
"Okay if I do it like this, then this is your dick, and this is mine and we could.."
"Come on man!"
I felt all the blood leave my body and go straight to my face.
I hurried up to get to the room first so I can try to lock him out.

Something is going on..