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18 | wiped tears

I continue:

"You don't have to be with me just because you feel sorry for me. I can handle it myself."

London's grip stiffens. "What the fuck are you saying? Is that really what you're thinking?"

"I said it's okay, if you think so."

"What the fuck!?" she repeats, almost screaming now. "Should I tell you why I want to be with you?"

I don't get to answer before she carries on:

"I want to be with you, Aspen, because you're the most interesting, fantastic, creative, hilarious, ingenious, incredible person I've ever met! And because you're fucking amazing!"

I smile through the tears that are beginning to form in my eyes.

"Thank you" I whisper, because that's all I can do.

"You're the fucking best, Aspen, and I'll not let you believe anything else."

"Many people don't think that."

London snorts. "Don't believe them. They're only trying to find your weakness."

"Well, they've succeeded" I say, and I know I should be grateful for her comforting me, and giving me such compliments – but right now, I just want to be taken care of like a little child, without any questions.

London's gaze darkens, and she shakes her head. "You can't let them win, Aspen. You can't think they've defeated you."

"But they have defeated me, and after they broke me down, they stomped on me to make sure no embers remained."

"You know what?" says London suddenly. "I should go to your school."

I open my mouth in awe.

"No, not change schools, just on the first day. And knock the bad bitches over" she grins.

I look down at my hands. "But that would probably make them bully me even more. Because I can't defend myself."

London sighs. "Fine. It was just an idea."

Gazing up at her, I smile. "I'm so glad I've found somebody who actually cares."

And there it is again, the sparkling feeling warming my body from within, the feeling that I would do anything to escape. What if she notices something? She'll leave me, just like everyone else did.

"Me too" says London. "Sure, I've known people who did listen to me. But... not really, after all. There's difference in hearing and listening, and looking back at it, I'm thinking they were all just hearing me all the time. Not really caring what it was I was saying. You're the fucking first one I'm unafraid to be myself with, Asp."

And I can't help it, once again, tears fill up my eyes.

"Why are you crying?" says London and smiles a little.

"I'm not crying" I say.

And I laugh through the tears of joy.

And she leans in and wipes them out with a hooked index finger.

I might only be imagining it, but I think she lingers a little extra long with her finger over my cheek, and she laughs, and I laugh, even though I'm crying. Because her little speech just lit my entire world, and I can't stop smiling, the corners of my mouth dragging upwards without any control at all.

After she's finished laughing, she leans back, and smiles too.

Another hour passes by, and we just sit there, raised above the night city, talking and laughing and yeah, I cry a bit more. But it's okay, I kind of don't mind anymore. Sure, I look like a freak – but it's too dark to see, anyways. She's comforting me in a way my parents never have done, a way that makes me actually feel safe. My parents never succeeded on that, they just make me feel uneasy and ashamed, and to be honest, I never really thought that they even liked comforting me.