b l a c k o u t

e l e v e n

۝

I opened my eyes as a gust of cool air passed over my face. I could see the sky through the trees I was lying under, but it was shrouded in a thick layer of cloud and instead of the bright blue, the world was now bathed in a cool atmosphere.
I took a deep breath.
My hands slid from my stomach to the ground, where my fingertips ran through the grass, which had a tickling effect.
Another breath.
I tried to block it out. What had happened yesterday, I meant. What had happened to her. What I couldn't prevent. And what I had done. I really tried not to think about it. Not to hear her screams in my head as the things burned into her skin.

I had lost control. Completely.
But how couldn't I?!

She had been tortured.
Suddenly I saw it again, how she stood there. Her face flushed with tears but she showed no pain. Her body was already eaten by the iron and trembled so heavily. I sae her and something in me swotched and all i wanted was to kill that person that did that to her. I turned to the maniac everyone thought i was.
But then suddenly, i remember, she looked to the side and started ran towards the window. At first I thought she wanted to run away. But when Umbridge tried to send a curse at her, I was knocked out and all I could do was follow her. To protect her.
The curse did hit me...but it bounced off. It wasn't strong enough. Not anymore.
That was the only good thing about Father's punishments or "teaching methods" as he called it...although it had nothing to do with learning. It was just about not dying.
But I actually gained something from it. I could die less and less and that's why the curse that hit me was nothing more than a pinprick. I hadn't even felt it. I couldn't even remember it.
Only when I followed Filou through the window i felt the wind against my face and when I saw her face as she stood across of  Remus and suddenly fall into his arms i felt kinda relieved altough i was completely confused of what was goinh on.
Then Draco had appeared next to me...or was it Nico - I don't remember - and many others who had all gone wide-eyed.
Filou had been crying. I could still remember that when she broke away from Remus and I saw her face again.
Tears of relief.
I could only remember Dumbledore turning up and Lupin being helped into the castle because his leg was injured.
Filou wanted to follow them but her legs were too weak and she collapsed. I wanted to run over and pick her up, but Blaise and the others pushed me back and said something about how I wasn't with myself - which, in hindsight, I have to say was true - and it was for her own good.
Stay away from her.
I gave myself permission, but alone against five...no chance. However, a few of them took quite a beating.
The last thing I saw before they took me away was that Oliver from Quidditch running up to Filou and carrying her away, Potter and a few other idiots following him.
After that I had almost no memory of what had happened. Only that I'd locked myself in the room and that the old familiar portal had appeared, the one that always appeared when Father...well.
And now I had woken up here. In the middle of the forest. As always.
Alone, as always.
Without memory, as always.

I sat up and immediately a hellish throbbing started in my head. A stabbing pain went from my cheekbone to my jaw and the familiar iron taste of blood was on my tongue.
A wierd noise caused by the pain left my mouth.
I don't even want to imagine what my face looks like right now...
When I tried to stand up, my eyes went black for a moment. My entire body hurt like hell.
It'll be over soon...it'll be over soon!
Somehow I managed to get to my feet and stood up.
I felt dizzy and my stomach felt like a squashed tomato. I growled and waited until it was easier to move.
Somehow I managed to take the first steps.
After a while the forest cleared and after a few more steps I could see the large walls of the school rising into the air.
The first lesson must have just finished.
So there would be room changes... my chance to sneak in unnoticed.
I really need a shower!