b l a c k o u t

t w e l v e

☬

"Wait I'll help you..."
I stood up and came to Hermione.
She was sitting on a tree trunk, trying to tie her wild hair up. When she saw me standing in front of her, she paused for a moment.
"Don't worry, I won't bite."
A slight smile crossed her lips.
She lowered her hands from her hair and motioned for me to sit down, which I did.
Hermione turned her back to me and I combed all her curls back with my fingers.
It was wonderfully thick and healthy.
"Your hair. It's beautiful..."
"Huh. More of a curse, I guess..."
I stopped braiding in mock shock.
"You can't say that Ms. Granger!"
She giggled and I continued, smiling. I knew that Hermione was ashamed of her hair texture and often gave the impression that she didn't care about her looks, but when I saw her in the girls' bathroom from time to time... When she stood in front of the mirror and tried not to cry, I remembered myself back then. The feeling of not being beautiful. And as much as you tried to feel good and pretty, reality always said something different.
"When I turned 13, I went to a new orphanage and...pretty much all the girls had your hair. I was the only one whose hair was stick straight.
I remember many mornings getting up hours earlier then the others just so I could be alone in the bathroom and twisting paper in my hair just so it was a little bit wavy."

Hermione snorted and I could feel that she could identify with it. Only it was the other way round for her.
"Then how came youve these skills?"
I laughed as I remembered the time.
"It was the head of the home's birthday. A huge event, you know. Anyway, I decided to wear my hair the way it should be worn. I did a braided hairstyle that my mum...
Long story short, when the others saw that I was good at doing hair, they all wanted me to do their hair and that's how I learnt how to do hair like yours."
I could tell she was smiling.
"But I also learnt something else from the whole story: if you have something that others don't have...use it to your advantage..."
With these words, I tightened the hair tie and she was done.
Hermione turned slightly towards me as she touched her hair lightly.
We both rose from the trunk.
Then her sweet eyes looked at me questioningly.
"We're not talking about my hair anymore, are we?"
I pulled the corners of my mouth upwards and twirled two small strands out of the braid that framed her face. Now it was perfect.
I looked deep into her eyes.
"Hermione Granger, you're beautiful and intelligent...use that. And promise me you'll never let anyone tell you otherwise!"
We both had to smile.

"Thank you Filou... And I wanted to apologise..."
I frowned.
"For what?"
"Well, I misjudged you, even though I don't really know you yet, I'm sorry.
And also for that thing with Umbridge when I-"
I put my finger to my lips with a grin and shook my head.
"Stop it...you didn't have a choice."
She sighed with relief and the next moment she looked behind me.
"There you are!"
Looking over my shoulder, I saw Hannah, who was completely out of breath, come out from behind a tree and join us in the clearing.

When she saw all the other students gathered in groups on the floor, all looking at her with confused looks, she straightened up and cleared her throat.
Hermione and I laughed amusedly.
"Yeah yeah yeah sorry I'm late and now shut the fuck up, after all I'm only here because you-"
"Ok ok relax, Hagrid hasn't turned up yet anyway..."
"Aha good...what are we actually doing."
"I don't know...I just hope it's not partner work!"
"Mhmm...am I actually the last one?"
"Nope. The only thing missing are-"
Suddenly there was wild laughter and cheering from the direction Hannah had come from.
But the very next moment, the glorious seven emerged into the daylight.
"Them," Hermione finished my sentence.
The whole column came into the clearing.
Enzo, Draco and of course Goyle led the way. They were followed by Blaise, Theo and Nic.
At first I hoped he hadn't come, but then he appeared too.
Mattheo.
He brought up the rear.
He was the alpha. I had forgotten that too...
There was an unpleasant tug in my stomach when I saw his battered face again.
His head was tilted and he was looking seriously at the ground. A cigarette between the lips he threw his stuff agressivly on the side and litt the thing.
I watched him as he continued walking and as the white smoke came out his mouth and nose.
Just as he was about to look up, my gaze faded away from him.
The group came to join us and stopped a good three metres away from us.
I nos at the boys.
I don't know why but I stood slightly protectively in front of Hannah and Hermione.
My eyes went to Malfoy.
Draco tried not to stare at her...but he failed.
Hermione didn't notice, thank God, because the floor was much more interesting for her.
Instead, Blaise and Hannah wrestled with glances.
I suppressed a grin.
My eyes met Mattheos'. He took a long drag on his cigarette and blew out the smoke for twice as long, his eyes fixed on me, which really irritated me.
"You'd better put that out..."
I said dryly and pointed to the butt.
Mattheo briefly looked at it himself and then back at me, but something in his gaze was different this time. He was dirtier.
"And you'd better give advice when people ask."
This serious tone in combination with his look made me wonder.
What the fuck was wrong with him?
A stunned laugh left my mouth.
"Wow... how nice."
I said and looked down.
"Ph, when are you going to realise: no one is talking to you. Nobody cares!" he hissed, getting closer and closer.
I looked up at him, stunned. When he saw my confusion, he grinned cheekily.
Nic came over to us and put his arm between us.
"Mattheo, leave it..." he mumbled and pushed him slightly away from me. Mattheo moved back a little, but that dirty smile was still on his lips.
Nic was still talking to him quietly and I was getting angry.
Now I took a step forwards.
"Nic."
I looked at him and took his arm away.
"It's all right."
Nic looked at me uncertainly but he obeyed and stepped aside.
I came even closer. Mattheo's back was turned to me.
"Tell me, what's actually your problem, Riddle?"
He raised his head and turned it so that he wasn't looking at me but I could understand him.
"You."
I could only shake my head at this statement. The whole situation was so absurd that I almost laughed at it.
"I see...
You know, it's not my fault that you look the way you do ok!"
He mumbled something as he took the last breath of the cigarette and put it out with his shoe.
"What was that?"
No answer.
I grabbed his arm and yanked him round.
"Hey, look at me when I'm talking to you!"
"I won't take any shit from you."
His rough voice gave me goose bumps. He straightened up, turned round and started to walk away.
"Of course... just like you do with everyone else. You also think you're the centre of the universe where everything and everyone is at your feet and you don't give a shit because YOU ARE Mattheo Riddle."
"Exactly."
He kept walking away from me.
"All right then, go on. Go and live up to your name... But then I only have one question: What was that about a fortnight ago?"
He stopped and I knew that I had hit a nerve.
"That night...in the rain..."
The people who had gathered around us began to whisper.
I saw him raise his head.
"Don't you remember?
Or are you just too much of a pussy to admit it out loud in front of everyone?"
I laughed.
"Youre a fucking coward. You want me. You know that. And that is killing you."
When I said that, he turned round and came rushing towards me with full force. He grabbed my hair and pulled me to his face.
Everyone audibly screamed out loud.
I remained serious and just looked at him.
"What do you want to do now huh? Hit me? Well then go ahead...Does your image more than good."
He snorted and his fangs clawed even harder into my neck.
"If you only knew what I would do to you right now..."
"Then go ahead and do it! I'm not afraid of you."
He just nodded irritably.
"All right. Fine!"
"Fine."
"But not here."
When I wanted to say something back, he grabbed my arm and pulled me along with him.
Enzo wanted to intervene but Mattheo pushed him away without much effort.
"Not Enzo. And you too Blaise, leave it alone!"
Suddenly he pulled me against his body as he turned round and looked into the crowd.
"You'll excuse us, please. And I'll warn you if I catch any of you trying to follow us."
No one made a move to do so and when Riddle was sure of it, he pulled me after him and we disappeared into the forest.

I was in a daze and had no idea what I'd got myself into. But I braced myself for the worst, because even though I wasn't afraid of him, I knew what he was capable of.
We walked and walked deeper and deeper into the forest and at some point I became unsure whether I really knew what he was up to.
As we stepped round a tree, I saw my chance.
I pulled myself free, grabbed him by the collar and pushed him against the tree.
"What are you doing?"
He didn't answer, but freed his hands in seconds and gripped my hips.
Before I knew it, I was lifted up and pressed against another tree trunk.
His eyes bored into mine.

"I'm not going to hit you."
He said this with such calm sobriety that for a moment I could only look at him stupid.
But then I pushed him violently away from me with all my strength and I came to a halt again. Mattheo straightened up and threw his head back slightly.
I was still staring at him in disbelief.
"What the actual fuck Mattheo?!"
A helpless sigh came from him and he looked down.
When he looked at my face again, I threw my arms up in the air, clueless.
"What did you expect Filou? That I would give you flowers?"
"Ffff No! At first I thought we'd both go on living as if neither of us knew the other and as if nothing had happened...I wasn't hoping anything...but definitely not something like this! Wha-...Why..."
I was overwhelmed and no longer understood anything
"why didn't you just go away? Why have you brought me here?"
"I didn't see any other way... You didn't let up! Why did you even go for it?"
Our voices got louder and louder.
"Because you're an arsehole thats why!"
"Oh I am sooooo sorry!"

Mattheo rubbed his face and ran his fingers through his hair. Then he came towards me again.
"Don't you understand...I can't be nice to you infront of the guys. Like you said, I have an image to live up to."
"Oh yes, and then it's ok to be-"
"What else was I supposed to do?!"
"I have fucking idea!"
He shook his head at me.
"Why are we actually yelling at each other...it doesn't make any sense at all..."
He turned away from me and sank onto a tree stump.
All of a sudden he looked really exhausted and I could see him trembling as he massaged his temples. I approached carefully and stepped in front of him.
His eyes peeked out from between his fingers. Then I noticed how red his left eye was. He must have been hit so hard that a vein had burst.
When he saw me staring, he lowered his head to hide his beaten-up face. I crouched down and put my hands on his knees. He turned his face away again and when I tried to touch him, raising his hand defensively.
"Mattheo."
My tone was enough for  he to face me. Again, I was shocked at how bad he looked, but I didn't let it show.
I reached out carefully and brushed away the strands of hair that were hanging in his face, to have a better view at the bruises.
The laceration on his eyebrow looked really bad.
"Didn't you get that treated?"
When he heard me say that, he just laughed derisively.
"The nurses in the hospital wing have refused to treat me for two years now... no matter how bad it is.
I wanted to wash myself but the door to my room was locked and I was too late to find another solution...argh!"
When I touched his bruised cheek, he grimaced in pain and turned his head away.
"I'm sorry."
He tussled his hair and you looked at his wounded hands. Suddenly his whole body was trembling. I took his hands.
"You're freezing..."
I gently felt his forehead and cheeks with the back of my hand. heated.
"And you have a fever."
Mattheo frantically pushed my hands away.
"I'm fine..."
Suddenly he was in a super hurry to get up and I stood up too. He turned away from me.
"Perfect fine, actually."
His voice sounded weak.
Just as I was about to say something, his feet gave away and he sank against a tree trunk.
"Mattheo!"
The next moment I was with him. He hissed and growled in pain as he straightened up a little. I saw him holding his left side.
The white fabric of his shirt that was visible between his fingers began to turn red. Blood?
Without further ado, I removed his hand and tore open his shirt.
My breath stopped for a moment.
His whole upper body was covered in scars. There were fresh bruises on his stomach and ribs that were purple, blue and even green.
Smaller knife cuts scattered all over his skin.
Where he had previously held his hand was one of the largest cuts, which appeared to have been torn open again. Blood gushed wildly from the wound.
I stared at his face in horror.
He looked down at the ground.
"It's not as bad as it looks..."
"Are you kidding me?"
"I said I am ok! Now leave me alone."
He covered his body again. But when he tried to walk past me, I grabbed his hand and stopped him.
"No Théo, I'm not going to do that!"