Life Under The Rainbow

Chapter Twenty

He is a mess, but he is a masterpiece

I woke up with a headache. Fuck Mthonga once again. I slept without drinking my painkillers. I groaned as I attempted to roll out of bed but there he was, sleeping like a log. The sun was shining through the curtains, bringing in heat into the bedroom. Why does it look like its already midday? I stood up and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. I need to get ready for work.

Ntsakisi come back to bed. He said in his morning voice. I ignored him and continued to take out clothes from my wardrobe.

Ntsakisi!? he sat up and looked at me.

Leave me alone Mthonga. Go back to your ancestors. I said still violently pulling out shirts from the wardrobe. Hes making me make a mess and I dont know whos going to clean it up.

Are you really competing with them? Dont do that to yourself, you wont win. Does he know how to soften up a person, no, he doesnt. he is failing dismally.

Come on Ntsakisi, you want me to beg now? What do you want me to say? He was now on his feet.

Tell me the whole truth. I said calming down.

I was called by my ancestors I cut him off using my hand.

The honest truth Mthonga. I dont know anything about you, and for as long as Ive known, you dont have a home, suddenly, you are going home. I know nothing about your ancestors, that is a factor I have had to figure out on my own, you never told me. Weve been together for 3 months, Ive been transparent with you from the beginning, but with you, you just so closed off. How do you claim to love me when you cant even trust me with your life story? He sighed and patted the spot next to the bed. I was hesitant.

Im going to tell you everything. I made my way to the unmade bed and straightened the sheet before sitting down.

I was born Lwazi Manqele. Thats what my grandmother named me. She raised us, along with my mom. I love those women with my whole heart, and thats where I call my home, thats where my ancestors are. I sat there and I listened.

Gogo died a few years ago, and thats when Zobuhle moved in with me, because mom cant take care of her and her needs like I can. She also had a hard time accepting my sexuality, and although I love her with all my heart, after those hurtful words she said to me all those years ago, our relationship will never be the same again. I wont even speak about my father. He left us when Zobuhle was born. He couldnt handle being seen with an white child. Apparently, it was a sign of my mothers infidelity. I always say that Zobuhle had it easy, all shes ever known is mom, granny and I. I had him in my life, up until I was a teenager, then Zobuhle was born, and he disappeared like a mosquito in the darkness. Thats a lot for one person.

I started getting sick in my matric year and it was my ancestors. My mothers grandmother left the gift to me, and I had to go for initiation. What happened last week, that was her, she was calling me back to the water. Im not a full-time healer, I asked her to be kind to me, and let me stay here in the city and work, live my life, but I dedicate some of my time to going back home, going to the water and doing the ancestors work. I understood every word he said.

So why did you change your name? What does it mean? I asked.

I left Lwazi behind. When I got to initiation school, no one knew me as Lwazi, I was known as Mthonga, or Manqele. That was my name, and I liked it. Letting go of Lwazi was my way of growing up and leaving the betrayal of my father behind. I should actually hate men. I chuckled, so did he. I turned and looked at me.

I dont like being shouted at, and not only because I just dont like it, but it triggers me, bringing back memories of my childhood, and I get angry. When I get angry, my ancestors call me back to the water. Thats what happened that night. I didnt want to leave Ntsakisi, but I couldnt help it, I really was angry at what you did, but going back home helped me because now I can sit here and listen to your side of the story without blowing a fuse.