Corvi Cor: Self-Indulgent Ville Hermanni Valo Drabbles

3. Smoke

"I'm not having this discussion again Ville..!" I say in between my grit teeth. I hear him quickly spit out vituperatively. "BULLSHIT!" He throws his hands in the air and groans out in half yell, "IT WAS ONE TIME!"
"One time? ONE time?! One time my ass!"
"It was once I swear!"
"Then why did I find A WHOLE PACK OF MARLBORO REDS IN YOUR ROOM?!"

Ville was silent. I used this opportunity to quickly shout. "JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE CONSIDERED AN ADULT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD DO SOMETHING SO STUPID!"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP RACHEL!!!"

...

"What the fuck did you say to me?" I slowly speak to him harshly.
"I said 'Shut the fuck up Rachel' and I'll say it again."
"Get out of my fucking room Ville."
"Why don't you listen to me?! I can do whatever the hell I want!"
"I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT!" I grab a pillow off of my bed in rage and smack him across the face. Hard. He recoiled from the hit and he glared at me in an incredulous silence.

...

Ville then sighed and muttered angrily, "Fine then, I'll fucking leave." As he left he mumbled something in Finnish, probably calling me a bitch and whatnot. He slams the door, but then at the last moment closes it gently and quietly.

I still stare at the door. He seriously just left like that. He's probably going to smoke afterwards, like he usually does when he's stressed or angry. Heaving a sigh, I sit on my bed. It's too quiet, especially after an argument.

• • •

Knock knock...

I hear a baritone accented voice softly speak, "Can I come in...?"
I let out a sigh, "Sure..."

The door opens and the smell burnt tobacco whips my nostrils. He coughs softly as he closes the door behind him. I don't even bother looking at him, wrinkling my nose from the strong odor.

I hear him again, sighing this time.
The silence is tense and awkward, a void that needs to be filled. Yet, the endless pit cannot be sated, for it is never enough. There is nothing worth wasting breath over anyways. Exchanging silence over the useless superficial forced chatter.

...

Finally, I clear my throat to speak in hoarse whispers. "Why...?"
"Because I'm stressed."
"Ville, we've been friends for year, this isn't just stress."
Ville heaves a sigh; he looks everywhere except for me. He's avoiding my eyes. I try to formulate my thoughts into words as I clear my throat before saying, "At least tell me. Don't leave me in the dark." I inhale before adding quickly, "Please."
He doesn't even fucking look at me, even saying something in Finnish I think.
"You can't just go out and smoke and get shit-faced drunk and still expect me to go along. I'm not that person, Ville. And stop smoking and drinking so goddamn much...!"
"I hear you Rachel," He mutters inbetween grit teeth, "You've said the same thing four hundred times."
"It's because you don't listen to me." I quickly retort back.

...

Silence.

...

"Are you going to listen to me this time or will you keep destroying everything around you and yourself?"
"Rachel, you don't understand!"
"Then just... leave. Just go. I need to think."
"Rachel we can talk this out—"
"Alone." As soon as the words leave my mouth, Ville finally looks at my eyes. He looks wounded as if my words pierced him through his heart and froze it over. Slowly, he retreats back, away from me, and exits my room.

I hear his footsteps fade as he leaves me in my room. Alone again.

I feel like I should feel bad but I don't any guilt or remorse. Nothing. Nothing at all. This isn't right.

Is there something wrong with me?