A Year in the Making

ONE ~ grace

So. I have depression. At least that's what the doctors say.
I'm not saying that they're wrong or that I don't believe it, I believe it very much.
I'm just saying, it's not that severe. I'm not depressed 24/7 but I'm not happy-go-lucky grace ever either. Dr. Glen, my old therapist before she got transferred out of state, told me my moods are over-intensified.
She's very right.

**
"Why are you here?" Those are the first words I hear as I step though the heavy wood doors of my support group about a month ago.
"What do you mean?" I replied confused and anxiously.
Apparently my group wasn't just for depressies as I call them, but much more.
Bipolar, tragedy-endured, people who need support, and kids who just needed to get out of all the crap in their hectic lives. Those were the walk-in kids.
With my "condition" I'd be a regular.
In the middle of the room was a huge conference table. About 20 chairs lined the table. I sat next to a girl who started off the meeting.
"Hey everyone," she started as everyone sat down.
"My name is Emily." She had bleached-blonde hair and freckles across her pale face. She was wearing a black Nirvana t-shirt and a leather moto jacket. "Since this is the first meeting, let's go around saying our name, age, and reason we are all here." Emily said, quietly. "I'm 18 years old and I have social anxiety and I'm anorexic." She continued.
It surprised me when she said that.
Emily looked like a social butterfly, not a shy little girl. She didn't look dangerously thin either. I felt sorry for her.
We all went around saying our name and all of that stuff.
Chris with mild-depression. Lila with bulimia. Monica who's parents died in a fire when she turned nine. Clarice the mentor of the group. And Joshua who just needed to get away from all the stressors, as he calls it, in his life. All of them were my age or older.
"What about you?" Monica asked after her turn. Everybody turned and looked intensively at me. I sighed.
"Okay, hi. I'm Grace. I have depression. Uh, I am 15 years old and I'm a junior at the high school downtown."
"You're 15 and a junior?" Joshua pipes in.
"I skipped a grade," I reply shyly; "You must be pretty damn smart then." He smirks at me.
"Well my birthdays in two weeks..." I say.
"That's cool, Grace." he said swiftly and charmingly as he ran his fingers through his light brown hair.
After we all exchange handshakes and hot chocolate, even though it's summer and it's hot outside, I felt like maybe group would be okay.

**
"How was it?" Mom says to me after I get home.
"Fine."
"Gabriel made your favorite. Tuna-Alfredo!"
"I'm not hungry." I reply sourly. I walk away just as she calls me back.
"Grace Lunar! Get back right now."
I sighed deeply as I turned around.
"... Yeah ... ?" I say sweetly.
"Don't be so rude. At least say thank you to him for going out, buying all the food, and cooking it for you! You're not going to be a brat, I don't care what 'condition' you're in." She put condition in air quotes and I was startled she even raised her voice at me. I turned slowly to look at Gabriel and said, "Thank you so much, Gabriel." I said to the just- as-startled man on my living room couch.
"You're welcome, Gracie."
I gave him the dirtiest look. Gracie was NOT my name.

I dragged my feet back to my room and sat at my computer desk, picked up my book, and eventually fell asleep reading.

**

Now, a month later, I'm sitting in my trig class spacing out. It's Tuesday, September 17. My fourth week of going to group. There are always new people. But the regulars remain the same. I look outside to the parking lot of my school. It's misty but it's clear enough for me to see the beach and all the sand. Out there is my little, cold heaven. Evan and I go sit out there everyday during our free period to relax and unwind. Evan is the only one who understands how everything in my life has taken a toll on me.
Suddenly, I hear the bell ring for 3rd period. Free period.
I gather a my things and go to my locker. Amaia's standing with her nose in a big bouquet of daisies.
"Ooh... who's the newest admirer??" I cooed. Amaia wasn't one to be single for a while. She always had even newer boyfriends coming around to impress her. But, who could blame her? She was beautiful. Long, black hair, amazing make up skills with her smoky eyes and purple lips, who could resist the cool, dark, mysterious girl sitting behind them in math? Not a lot of the guys at this school. But still, she managed not to be a wicked bitch about it because of her kind, loving personality.
"Not mine. Yours." she snickered.
"What?" I took the bouquet and smiled. It was from Evan.
"GRACE HAS A BOYFRIEND!"
she screamed. Everyone in the ha glanced at us.
"Shut your mouth!" I laughed at her. I put my bag know my locker and got my wind breaker.

I looked in the mirror of my locker and looked at my brown hair and small eyes and the freckles splattered across my face and not even in a pretty way like Emily's freckles. I was in my regulatory lazy day look and I still felt like it wasn't lazy enough for even me. I just woke up feeling stupid today.
"I gotta go, loser." I say to Amaia as I tie up my not-so-special poop brown hair.
"Tell Evan I said 'hey'! " she replies as I open the doors to the beach and to my happy little spot on it.