The Day It All Made Sense

The Day Where It All Made Sense

Back on the road again after getting her heart broken, Lara turns the steering wheel to the right and stops. Tears fall down her eyes; she wipes them and starts driving again. She understands that she doesn't just need happiness; she needs sadness, anger, and other emotions too because it's not about finding happiness; it's about finding peace within yourself. Her phone rings again—there are 30 missed calls from Sarah, 5 missed calls from Cal, and 2 missed calls from Bumi. "Where the hell are you?" Sarah says. "On my way home." "Dude, seriously, we're all worried. Can we come to your place?" "Not today or tomorrow. I'll let you know." "Okay, just keep in touch, don't ignore my calls, please." "Okay, bye."

As she arrives at her apartment, she realizes she needs ice cream. So, she walks to the convenience store to get some. She looks at the ice cream aisle, choosing between chocolate, cookies and cream, or plain old vanilla. Then, she notices an old woman trying to reach one of the ice creams in the other freezer. She approaches her. "May I?" "The vanilla one, please. Thank you, dear." "You're welcome." she returns with a smile. She returns to her freezer, still unsure of what to choose. Her phone rings. It's Leo. She feels so angry but really doesn't want to pick up his call or cry in the store. Finally, she takes all three ice creams and a pack of cigarettes.

She lights up her cigarette, feeling the warmth from the small fire. She sits beside the window, feeling like she doesn't have to feel this way, that she doesn't deserve this. Why does life do this to her? Why can't she find a partner who respects her? Why does she keep on choosing the wrong guys? Even from the start, she knew they weren't that good. She didn't cry when Leo broke up with her; she held it in until she was in her car because she didn't want to be weak in front of him. She looks at the road because she really doesn't want to open her phone because every time she scrolls, there are like 2 or 3 articles about why relationships don't work or how to get the man you want. She's really not in the mood for that, though sometimes it can be entertaining. After 3 cigarettes, she decides to call Sarah and ask her and all of her friends to spend the night at Lara's.

Forty-five minutes later, they arrive. "The boozes are here" says Cal. "Thank you. But I'm not in the mood. I'm not even in the mood to talk about it. I just don't want to feel lonely" Lara replies. "Honey, we're here. But keep in mind that we can't do this every time you feel 'lonely.' You have to be comfortable with yourself" says Bumi. Bumi has always said everything they want to say but knows when to shut up—not the kind of person who says things they want to say without knowing when to stop. They talk and laugh. Sarah looks at Lara and mouths, "Are you good?" Lara smiles and nods.

It's 11:30 PM, and they are drunk and talking about love. "I know you just got broken up. What do you think about love, Lara?" asks Cal. "Love is beautiful. Love is easy. Love is anger. Love is everything. I just realized that now. I was busy blaming myself, that I forgot it was supposed to be easy, loving someone should be easy and it sure has to go both ways" says Lara. "And that, my friend, is when you know you have to love yourself too." says Sarah. "Yeah, why do we have to love ourselves first to love someone else?" asks Cal. "If you ask me, it's so you know what you want. Not just in a relationship but overall in life—like what you like and don't like, as simple as that" says Bumi. They nod. "It's quite a journey, though, to love yourself" says Lara as she lights her cigarette. "It is. It's not easy. It's damn hard. But once you do, everything makes sense" says Bumi. "Will it take a long time?" asks Cal. "To be honest, it depends on the person. But when you're trying to love yourself, it has already begun. So yeah, it depends on the person" says Bumi. "You know, you're getting wiser these days, Bum" says Lara. "Yeah, it's good though. Is it because of the new environment?" asks Sarah. "Yeah. I finally got appreciated at work, so I can listen more to my patients' stories. Guys, you know I can take another pizza" says Bumi. "I can't" says Lara. "I can" says Cal. "Hmmmm. I think I can. But it's late. Not good" says Sarah. "I'm gonna order it" says Bumi. "Hey Bum, aren't you lonely? I mean you and Sierra are in a long distance relationship" Asked Sarah "Sometimes, I feel lonely. But I think loneliness is a choice, so I choose to do something" Said Bumi "Loneliness is a choice, hmm" Said Cal "Yeah, personally It's because how we behave and perceive towards it. What do you think?" " So loneliness. I don't really think it's a choice though" said Lara and she resumed "I feel lonely and I called you guys, I don't choose to be like that" "I am not a psychologist or anything, is it maybe because you're still grieving?" Asked Sarah and she resumed "I agree with Bumi, loneliness is a choice. In your case, you can't say that now, because dude you just broke up. It takes time to heal to understand that it is a choice. Just like you, you choose not to be with him anymore" "Hmmm, it might be true" said Lara "If I can add some things. Learn to enjoy yourself in solitude. Know yourself better there. You will get through this dude" Said Cal to Lara "Thank you guys. I'm sorry I called you and asked you to come here just because I'm lonely" said Lara "Come on, don't do that. We're here for you. Just make sure you're lonely on the weekends, just it's hard on Monday to Fridays, hahahaha" Said Bumi