Amicus ad Aras - A tale of forbidden love

10 / WOOYOUNG - courage

After confirming our dinner plans for the evening with the team, Hongjoong handed back my phone and my breath caught in my throat when I saw San had agreed to join the group without so much as a message to me to ask for a raincheck. Or maybe he always expected we'd meet up later and wanted to keep up pretenses with the team, which made me feel uneasy. It was months since we'd had any kind of drunken hookup and I was keeping my distance that whole time, both because I didn't want San to mistake how I feel, and because he was so infatuated with Yeosang I wasn't interested in competing to win his affection. Did he declare his love just because he missed having me in his bed? Or did he really have feelings? Either way, I was a little unsure and since Hongjoong wasn't leaving my side, I didn't have a chance to message San or to talk and clarify anything before we all met up in the hallway. He gave me a look that I took to mean we would chat later, and shortly after that we headed down to the back exit.

I thought it would be a good idea to keep Hongjoong occupied. He still seemed to be upset with me, so to smooth things over and keep suspicion off of San and I, I walked with hyung to the restaurant. As anxious as I was feeling, I knew something only one other person in the group knew - that I had received a confession earlier that evening from the object of my affection, who I never thought in a million years could possibly come close to sharing my feelings. I babbled about nothing in particular, all the while thinking about San's biceps stretching out the armholes of his tight black shirt. Even though I've seen and felt his shirtless body, something about the fit of that tee was so distracting. Things like, "is his arm in pain because his shirt is so tight? What if it cuts off his circulation? If I pinched his nipple, would I be able to feel and see it poking through the shirt?" were running a constant loop through my brain. You know, normal stuff to be thinking while talking with Hongjoong about what ramen I was going to order and how nice the weather was.

I somehow managed to be seated nowhere near San at the restaurant and had to sneak glances at him from the opposite end of the table. He's not usually a huge drinker but he was throwing back a lot of beer, so I did the same and it wasn't long before his face was red and I was a little too loud, and very affectionate with everyone around me. When it finally came time to head back to the hotel, I tried to find my way to San to walk with him and instead had to get propped up reassuringly by Yunho right as I stumbled and almost fell to the ground. I whisper-slurred, "Yunho - San said he loves me. Like he LOVES me loves me. And now he's ignoring me." To his credit, Yunho patted my back reassuringly and kept us walking forward. San never so much as glanced back.

Safely in the hotel lobby, I tried to convince Yunho to grab another round. Though I was confident about San before we headed to dinner, my bravado level went down a few notches with how much he was avoiding me all night. We would usually share looks with each other, even if we weren't sitting together, and the slightest rise of his eyebrow would send my heart racing and my mind to dirty places. But once we left the hotel, and the entire trip back, I got nothing from him, so I thought I could use just a little more liquid courage to be able to sneak to his room. Unfortunately Mingi had other plans for Yunho and interrupted our conversation to pull him away from me. I giggled and thought about how Yunho and Mingi were clearly fucking but since they were super sneaky and they'd never been caught in the act, all the members pretended not to know and none of the staff seemed to care. San and I could probably learn a thing or two from them.

I found myself in the elevator alone, giving Mingi and Yunho some privacy for their ride back up, and having to lean against the wall to stay upright. Back in my room, which thankfully wasn't too far from the elevator doors, I smiled at myself in what felt like a courageous way in the mirror, making two fists, declaring "fighting!" then sprayed a little more cologne all over my body. Opening my door, I peeked slyly up and down the empty hallway. "Coast is clear!" I gleefully stage-whispered to myself as I ran down to San's room and knocked super quietly, fearing one of the other members or staff would hear. 

_______

AUTHOR'S NOTE: New chapters are posted every Friday morning, and this upcoming Friday, December 1, 2023, I'm going to post a BONUS chapter to celebrate the comeback, along with the other two new chapters (likely while waiting in line for one of the Hello82 pop-ups in Chicago). Make sure to subscribe so you have some reading material to keep you company while you stream the new album :) You may want to read it in private - the bonus chapter takes place on Valentine's Day, 2020 and is a wee bit steamy for public consumption!