A Knife on His Lap|| Bodyguard AU

Not so lonely on the rooftop

**Content Warning: This story contains mature themes that may be unsettling, including instances of violence, strong language, and sensitive topics. Reader discretion is advised for those who may find such content challenging.**

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~Nariya Patel~

The brisk wind brushed against me, carrying with it the crisp scent of autumn. The leaves swirled and pirouetted in a mesmerizing dance, accompanied by the distant hum of joyful voices. Amidst this lively scene, I found myself perched on the rooftop of a five-story college building, contemplating a haunting question. As I peered down, the idea of a swift demise crossed my mind, prompting a shiver down my spine. Yet, a deeper fear lingered – the prospect of surviving, but in a state of irreparable damage. The contrast between the exuberant faces passing by and the tumult within my mind was stark. I couldn't help but reflect on the limbs that currently granted me mobility and the freedom to go wherever my desires led. A heavy sigh escaped my lips as I grappled with the sequence of events that had brought me to this desperate juncture. It wasn't the first time I had stood on this precipice; three years ago, the edge felt less daunting, with a support system to lean on and a home to return to. Now, the absence of those anchors left me feeling adrift and alone.

A mere week had passed since my return from the monotonous routine of classes—a daily grind that seemed to erode my goals and hopes, bit by bit. Despite the persistent sense of diminishing prospects, a solitary ember of determination flickered within me. "Just one more year," I whispered to myself, clinging to the belief that I could escape the drudgery. In that time, I vowed to transform my life and rescue my father from the depths of despair. A vision formed in my mind—a future where we could once again revel in the glory we had known three years ago, when both my mother and my father's peace of mind were still with us. The promise of that radiant past fueled my perseverance, casting a dim light against the encroaching shadows of uncertainty.

The hollowness of the house greeted me with a chilling silence as I tentatively called out, "Dad?" My voice reverberated through the vacant halls, the absence of our furniture accentuating the desolation. "Dad, I'm home." Anxiety tinged with fear crept up my spine; he wasn't supposed to go out, especially not in his condition and certainly not when he was so close to liberation. The police had issued their final warning. With a heavy heart and reluctant steps, I ventured into his room. It was devoid of life, a stark emptiness where a mattress used to be. A lone envelope lay on the bare floor. My hands trembled as I opened it, and tears welled up in my eyes as I began to read.

"Dear Nari,

Forgive me, my child, for I have failed you and, most especially, your mother. These past three years, since her departure from this world, have been nothing but a series of trials for you. As your father and the only family you have, I should have been there to support you, helping you blossom into the woman your mother envisioned. Instead, I dragged you along with me, burdening you with sufferings that had nothing to do with you. The anger I harbored over her loss was unjustly directed at you, and I became a monster, realizing the pain in your eyes on the day I woke up in the hospital after an overdose. They told me you were the one who saw me and saved me from my addiction.

At that moment, I should have cherished you, and acknowledged you as the angel you are. Yet, Nari, I never even thanked you, consumed by self-loathing for allowing a young girl of just 16 to endure such hardships. I detested myself even more when you sacrificed your dreams because of me, and I lost everything your mother had built for you.

Over this past year, I witnessed your suffering as you carried not only your own burdens but mine as well. I am not just a terrible father and husband; I feel I am a terrible man. I know you are a bright child who will navigate the challenges of this world. You wished for me to be there, but I understand I am a burden dragging you down. You cannot sever ties with me, for I am your only one, and you love me. However, for the sake of your love and Matilda's, I must sever myself.