My random thoughts options and random shit I want to say but have no where to go

this is the end or is it the start

TW (my mom fuck that bitch ) swearing cps
Past self harm and past suicide talk ed and body shaming

If you get triggered easy skip xo -bread

So life has gave me a few curve balls all through it I mean being born to a 19 year old woman who only brought me home and abused me for my life was one thing of course but the fact CPS failed me countless times they say oh he's starved oh he's bursed or oh he's not even in the right state or country but as soon as I is "fixed" they through me right back in with her and the thing about this woman is she never cared or better yet she cared to enough not to care at all see when I was 12 I was on a hold with my now adoupted family (we can get in their bullshit later) and she reached out through Instagram she went hey potpie its mom and I was happy it was her we chat but now looking back she was only using me to get intell on what we where doing so she could use it aginst where we where so we would go back to her faster. When I turned 12 I started to cut it was her idea she said that fat piggys should not eat and if you cut yourself it makes you weigh less so I did daily 1 2 3 10 15 even 20 a day till one night I can never forget I was watching Shane Dawson (drag me I was young) and was feeling down and a week prior the councilor told me if I felt like I was wanting to die call the hotline well it was like 10 so I was like it's closed so I went to the Trevor project text line and dm a amazing woman to this day owe her my life well anyway text her then just ghosted her because I felt better but I didn't tell her thst so she thought I went to act on unalive so at around 12 in the morning I was watching andi mac on the TV it was dark just had some Chinese leftovers from dinner and all I see are cop cars pull up I knew they where for me so I went out trying to say I'm okay you can leave but they where like we need to see a parent so by then my dad saw them and was like wtf we they come in and there like your kid cuts and he was like shocked face and was like prove it my kid would never so they stright up out me on the spot and went send him to a phyc ward tonight or they will take me and they where like can we take him tomarrow it's fucking late and the cops where like yeah but if he dosnt go and we get another report we will step in and so next day bags pack and I went to grippy land.during that trip I got a phyc husband named Jack a phyc body gard named Charles who beat up Jack and then met some other girlies who I'm still friends with also you know the bitch i started with my mom yeah she died 3 years ago didn't find out till this year hoes Facebook bio was bitch sinner get off my shit best shit I've seen from her. I often wonder why not just from her but from everything.