Daddy's Girl

Ch. 7 Ballerina

Chapter 7
Ballerina

Emmy
Shopping with Daddy is great. Though I is a little nervous when we first get out of the limo, Daddy takes my hand and tells me over and over again that he will keep me safe. After, he leads me into each store and gives me a general description of what we need: shirts, shoes, dresses, pants, skirts, pajamas, underwear, coats, rain boots, hair brushes, ponytail ties, hair clips and scrunchies, and more and more. All of it seems like far too much but Daddy insists.
"You have worn through the few supplies we had, Princess, and Daddy wants to spoil you." And that was that. Daddy helps me pick out clothes cause I's not very good at styling myself but I gets to pick out all the colors: hot pink, baby pink, baby blue, sea-foam green, teal. When I am inevitably forced to try everything on in the changing room, Daddy allows me to get dressed like a big girl and parade around in front of him. Pesty watches from next to Daddy, complimenting me in my head.
Beautiful color choice, Little Mistress. Elegant and unique.
A few times other peoples looks at us but Daddy gives them mean looks and they quickly find other places to be. By the time we gets to the tutus, I am torn between several. So many pretty colors!! Pinks and blues and purples and greens and so many sparkles...
"Do you like to dance, Princess?" Daddy asks as he watches me. "Did you dance often before you came here?"
My little hands still on the hangers. I forgets so easily Daddy doesn't know all of me, that it has only been two weeks since he founds me. Somehow it feels like a lifetime. "I danced a lots back home" is all I say.
"Well, Daddy will make you a deal. You can get all five tutus if you show Daddy and Marsha your dancing when we get home. You can make it like a big play and Daddy will bring you flowers."
Flowers? I likes flowers. I chew my lip. If I is being honest I really doesn't want to dance. I likes the tutus and the pointy slippers but to actually dance again...
Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong! Idiot child...
"Okay, Daddy."
Then finally, finally, we reach the toy store. I squeal at the entrance. There are so many rows of so many colorful toys and children race all around as they beg parents for toys, play games on the big tvs, and play with stuffed animals and dolls. A group of boys bounces a big rubber ball until it almost breaks the window. Normally I woulds be scared by so many people, scared of mean adults like the man who tried to take Pesty, but I hasn't been in a toy store since I was a child. Father never let me when I got older and I never dared breaks the rule.
Daddy squeezes my hand tight and doesn't lets me go in right away. "Okay, baby girl, remember what we talked about. You get to pick out seven new toys or stuffies. No more. If you argue or act like a brat, we leave with nothing. Understood?"
He takes me by the chin and forces me to look at him when my eyes wander away. "Emmy."
"Yes, Sir."
I ends up with a green bunny stuffie, a small brown bear, a Barbie doll, a hot wheel car, a coloring book, some Play-Doh, and some blocks to builds things. I is practically vibrating with excitement when we leave and Daddy laughs as we head back to the car. "Did you have fun, little one?"
I hug Pesty close. "Yes! I can't wait for Pesty to meets all his new friends."
I am excited too, Little Mistress.
"Does that mean you won't fight Daddy about the car seat on the way home?" The limo pulls up alongside the curb and I glares at the thing as Daddy opens the door.
"Nuh uh, no seat" I shake my head.
"Princess."
"No seat."
     "Angel-"
     "No, no, no."
Daddy frowns. "Princess, remember your rules. No arguing or telling Daddy no. Daddy knows best. If you don't get in the car seat like a good girl, Daddy will take the stuffies and toys back. Only good girls get new toys and stuffies and good girls ride in their seats to stay safe."
I scowl, starting to feel the sad-mad again. "But I is a good girl."
"So that means you'll get in the car seat with no fuss, right?"
"Nuh uh."
We is just standing on the sidewalk next to the limo going back and forth now. Daddy seems to be losing patience. "Little girl, I'm not playing around. Get in or Daddy is taking everything back and you'll get your mouth washed out with soap. Understood?"
My eyes widen. I didn't thinks Daddy would really tells me no. Despite the rules, Daddy seems so much nicer than Father. I thought Daddy would gives me whatever I wants. Biting my lip, I thinks about my choices. Soap in my mouth sounds icky but it is laughable compared to what Father woulds do...
But Daddy has taken such good care of me and spoiled me and I is not even his yet. And he bought me new stuffies...
Finally I nod and allow Daddy to buckle me in. I wants to cry and be mad but remain quiet and Daddy kisses me on the forehead. His lips are soft, achingly gentle. "Good girl, baby. Daddy is proud of you."
And just likes that, my whole body warms and gets butterflies in my tummy. The mad is gone. Never has I felt so cherished. So safe, so...loved.
When we finally get home, Daddy is quick to remind me of our bargain. "Alright, Princess, you promised Daddy and Marsha a show. Why don't you go put on one of your new tutus and shows us how beautiful a ballerina my baby is?"
I pause. "Um...I doesn't- I don't-"
"Please, Princess? I'm sure Marsha would love to see."
He holds up all the pretty sparkly skirts and I feel myself slipping, my little side determined to gets them. I point to the baby pink one.
Daddy grins. He knows he's won. "Excellent."
Ten minutes later, he and Marsha sit on the couch while I peeks around the corner. My little heart feels like it's beating out of my chest and I press a hand to it. Be quiet, bad feeling! Stop being so mean! I hasn't danced in so long and it doesn't makes me feel happy like it should. But when I looks at Daddy and I see his smile, the painful contrast of darkness and beauty, I wants to try for him. I wants to make him as happy as he makes me. Does he not understand I woulds be freezing on the concrete right now if nots for him? Maybe even dead?
     But it's not just that Daddy may have saved my life. Daddy makes me feel...safe. Comforted. Happy and relaxed in a way I has never been or knew I could be. I can be my little self- my real self- in front of him and never fear. And he wants me to dance, so I will dance for him.
     Clutching Pesty, I make my way into the living room (a grand space of gold walls, velvet couches and heavy curtains). Daddy and Marsha both burst into applause as soon as they sees me and I blush scarlet, already embarrassed by the positive attention.
     "Look at my gorgeous girl" Daddy cooes, taking Pesty from me.
     I duck my head.
     "Go then, little one, whenever you're ready" Marsha adds gently. Her ancient eyes are tired and kind. "Sylas and I will be proud of you just for having the courage to dance in front of others. It is not always easy to show ourselves to people, is it?" She adds, glancing in Daddy's direction.
     I nod. I is so grateful for Marsha. Daddy gives me love and she gives me courage.
     I take a deep breath and close my eyes. For a moment it is still and quiet as I remember my body, as I flex and stretch the muscles that have so long been neglected. Gradually, I feel myself being pulled from my little space. My mind remembers as well as my body that this is not a safe time to be little. I remember the harsh instructors and their liberal slaps and pinches, the bruises Father would leave when I didn't point my toes or if I played with my pretty tutu instead of showing off a perfect plié or Releve. Dancing and ballet is not a time to be little. I repeat the mantra in my head over and over. I don't want Daddy or Marsha to be mad if I mess up.