(An alternative ending from one of my current ongoing books [Chemically Yours], ofc I changed my mind because I didn't want the finale to be this cruel 😭😭)
☆Genre: Angst
A bottle of medication, a glass of water, and a sick feeling was all that Luke was met with. He placed his elbows on the table but quickly took them off again as he remembered, Zander wouldn't find that very polite. He still wasn't home, Luke had started to worry. Just an hour ago, Luke had returned from a session with his psychiatrist. He even took a day off of work just for this session, apparently it was important. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia, and he just received the prescribed medication for it. He couldn't even believe it, he hasn't even told anyone yet. His mind was a mess, like millions of knots all tied together in the most difficult way possible. How was he going to tell Zander? All he'd been doing for the past hour was simply staring at the bottle of medication in front of him. He was far too afraid to take it. He looked up at the clock above one of the windows on the left, every single number seemed fuzzy or blurry.
He could barely make out a single number there, yet he still tried. After failing to recognize the numbers again, he took his cellphone out of his pocket and flipped it open. 19:25PM, how come Zander was out so late..? As far as Luke knew, Zander didn't have the night shift today. Then again, he was probably just busy like he always told Luke whenever he had to abruptly leave. He shut his cellphone and left it on the table as he sighed, the amount of anxiety he felt as his hand reached closer and closer for the medication almost made him vomit. He read the text on the bottle over and over as he felt himself panicking, Risperdal® 2Mg was displayed on the white bottle in a forest green color that almost looked black. He picked up the bottle and carefully opened it, the tablets looked strange. They were green, a very dark shade of green. He took one of the tablets in his hand, and picked up the glass of water in his other. He wished Zander was here right now.
He harshly swallowed the tablet as he placed the almost empty glass of water back on the table. He shut his eyes and leaned back, he felt completely strange. His head was throbbing, and he couldn't calm down. Why couldn't Zander be here? Why did he have to deal with this all by himself? Zander never stuck around for longer than a few hours, whenever he would leave, it would cause a great pain to Luke.
|20:04PM
It had already been around an hour since Luke took the medication, the sound of the clock ticking almost made him go crazy. He was running around the house, and looking everywhere for Zander. He took his cellphone out and scrolled and scrolled for Zander's number until he reached the end of his contacts, his number was nowhere to be found. "What the fuck." He whispered to himself as he grasped a part of his hair with his other hand. He was a mess, he continued to look through his emails, Zander's messages weren't there. In fact, there was no history of a 'Zander' ever even being in his contacts or messaging him at all. "Oh god." He said quietly as he quickly sat down on the floor, although it felt as if he fell down instead. He placed his hands over his mouth as he started to feel a tear drop from his eye, a painful realization slowly setting its way into his mind. His stomach felt like it was in knots, and his heart felt like it was being set ablaze. He desperately reached over to his cellphone again and called Sean, he knew Sean was at the facility right now. He had to confirm Zander's existence.
The call finally went through after a few failed tries, "Hey man!" Sean greeted. "Sean.." Luke sobbed. "Luke..? Are you okay?" Sean asked, his tone quickly turning into a concerned one. "Sean please. Please just look through the files and find a scientist called Alexander Wickham.." he pleaded as he sobbed. "Please, I'll explain everything later!" He exclaimed as more tears started to roll down his face. "Luke what's going on!? You're worrying me!" Sean replied. "Please Sean.." Luke begged as he kept on weeping. "Okay. I'll check, I'm coming over in a bit okay? Just stay put." Sean sighed as he agreed, "Okay.." Luke said in between sobs, swallowing harshly as he aggressively nodded his head. He hung up and threw his cellphone across the room, not even caring if he broke it. He continued to sob, desperately grabbing onto anything close to him for a sense of closure. He wailed and wailed as he punched the ground, why did he ever take that god damn medication!?
All he wanted was to see Zander again, he wanted to hug him, kiss him, just..look at him. He met Zander at the back of a diner just last year, they hit it off and started dating only after a few months of knowing each other. Zander was Luke's everything, his world, his muse. And to think that everything he experienced with Zander was just a hallucination and was never even real, it made Luke want to die.
|20:31PM
Luke ran to the door as quick as he could, still with a glimmer of hope thinking it could be Zander. As he opened the door, that small glimmer of hope was instantly crushed, it wasn't Zander, it was Sean. He walked in and closed the door behind him, "Luke.." Sean frowned. "What..!? What is it!? Did you find him!?" Luke asked desperately. He seemed like a completely different person all of a sudden, almost unrecognizable. "He's not.." Sean looked away. "He's not real. No Alexander Wickham has ever existed, I looked through the files in the facility and just files for people online in general but..." He shook his head, "It was always the same answer." Before Sean could get another word out, Luke almost dropped to the floor as he felt tears stream down his face. He let out sobs and sobs as Sean caught onto him before he could fall, he hugged him tight. "No..no..no." Luke kept repeating in a whisper. "You had a session with your psychiatrist today right? Does that have something to do with this?" Sean asked, he felt terrified. However, he also felt like he could cry too.
This was the first time that Sean had ever seen Luke cry this much, Luke's sobs and constant weeping was enough to make Sean shiver. "I got- I got diagnosed with schizophrenia." Luke stuttered as he continued to tremble in Sean's arms. "Schizophrenia..?" Sean asked as his mouth fell agape. "There was..there was a guy I met.." Luke muttered as he kept getting cut off by his own sobs, he was struggling to breathe and his chest stung. "I loved him. I loved him Sean. We even..we even lived together." He continued to explain as he cried in Sean's shoulder, completely dampening his white doctor's coat. "I think..he was a..a hallucination this wh-whole time." Luke said, he was having trouble speaking. "Oh my god Luke." Sean whispered. "Mental disorders like this can sometimes be triggered by a traumatic event.." Sean explained as he patted Luke's back. "Now that I really think about it, you haven't been acting like yourself ever since Veronica died."
Those words hit Luke like a truck. He had to admit that he could barely even recognize himself anymore after Veronica's death. Even though the two never really got along, she was still his sister. She was still family, losing her felt as if he failed her. Failed to help her get better. But, it was all okay when Zander was there. He was there to hold Luke in his arms as he cried, and now he couldn't even do that. "When was the last time you saw him..?" Sean asked out of the blue. "Yesterday.." Luke replied hazily as he recalled everything that happened the night before.
🎞️Yesterday, 01:11AM🎞️
Luke rolled around the sheets as he felt restless. He could feel a gentle breeze from the open door to the balcony near his bed, "Zander?" He called out. "Yes honey?" The purple haired man replied as he poked his head out of the balcony door, a cigarette in his hand. "I..can't sleep." Luke said. Zander smiled as he quickly put his cigarette out and walked in yet again, "Are you cold?" He asked, Luke nodded. He shut the door from the balcony and walked over to his bed. He crawled in, pulling Luke under the sheets. He lured him in, he was just magical. He wrapped an arm around Luke and he brushed their noses against each other. Luke could feel his cold skin against his, kind of satisfying in a way. He smelled like perfume and cigarettes, a smell that was familiar to Luke's own. He hummed a song, the vibrations of his voice soothed him and made Luke's whole body relax. Luke smiled as he closed his eyes, cuddling up even closer to Zander.
🎞️Present Time🎞️
Most of the time, Zander wasn't around for long. He was always either busy, or taking care of something. He always asked Luke to keep their relationship a secret, Zander was Luke's secret. He never appeared when Luke was in a crowd of people, sometimes he'd shortly appear in a corner, then he'd smile and wave at him, disappearing after a while. He only showed up when Luke was alone, he took care of Luke. He made Luke feel like he wasn't so alone after all. Whenever Luke would stand in front of the mirror and seemed unsure about the suit he was wearing, Zander would always adjust it for him and he'd compliment him as he kissed him on the cheek. Now, Luke could only dream of a lover like that. He started with a dream, a wish to have someone like Zander love him and be there for him, and now, it'll end like a dream and a wish again. How he wished Zander was here.
