Greener | A Collection of Poems

10 || Mourning

I woke up yesterday

I don't know how long I'd been asleep
sometimes it feels like forever

I used to dream about having everything.

Everything, everything, everything
and nothing at all

material items
superficial accolades
empty conversations
conquests and acquisitions
and congratulations

Nothing

I woke up yesterday.
in an empty, crowded room.
the same familiar four walls
that surrounded me as I grew up
the same invisible bolts
on the closet I keep shut.

The bolts that drive through my very bones
nails I hammered myself
guided by Godly hands.

I woke up yesterday.
And  the taste of bile is still on my tongue
I scrub my mouth raw
but it doesn't help

my stomach twists and turns
and yet every piece of food in your cupboard
is rotten and maggoty sour

and it sickens me

if I could go back to sleep I would

I would.

I would dream that I still lived
in a perfect world
where I had everything

but I can't
I can't sleep
I can't dream

I can't even tell the difference anymore