Bad Fae | romantasy | Bad Fae #1

Chapter Twenty-Eight

The next day, the guilt curled in. Unpredictably and irrationally. Like a part of me was waking up from slumber and realising what the rest of me had been up to in its absence.

Guilt and resentment.

Not that I had been the one to end that girl's life. I felt...very little for her or for her death. I still felt the rush of power, the understanding of what made Dain so unpredictable and single-minded. The euphoria had faded now. Though I had no unbearable drive to reclaim it with another life, I knew that, given the right circumstances, I would do it again.

Although, what were the right circumstances? Certainly, the attack on the puca had been the right circumstances.

No, it was guilt that I had given in to him.

Despite our previous conversation, the still very human part of me railed that I had given up so easily. To the allure of his life, a life free from shame and hurt and weakness. That and our shame were the only things that separated the humans from the fae; our compassion, our morals. They were minimal, they showed infrequently, but I knew they were there. They had to be there. Otherwise, all of this, all my pain and anger and drive for retribution these last seven years, would have been for nothing.

I wasn't just fighting for the lives my friends should have lived, the life I should have lived with them, but for all of humanity. It was the principle of the thing. Fae should not be allowed to massacre a whole horde of humans simply because we broke their rules. They should not be free to murder innocents for someone else's crimes simply because they were in the way. And I should not feel anything for this sidhe who took singular pleasure in doing so.

Feyrith would no doubt destroy me if I managed to kill Dain – if the other Shaden didn't do it first – but, what would it matter if Dain was dead? What would Feyrith's concerns about my 'loyalties' matter if Dain was dead? My mission would be complete. The mission I'd lost sight of. The mission I'd set aside for what? Pleasure? Acceptance? Belonging? I had belonged once. And Dain had taken it all from me.

More than resentment simmered in me. Grief. Grief so strong that I'd betrayed those Dain had taken from me. I'd forgotten them. Venali hadn't been enough to keep me from forgetting – or just ignoring – what Dain had done after all. And Dain would pay for that.

I lay in bed that morning and I felt it shift as Dain got up. My eyes still closed and my breathing still steady, he could think I was still asleep. He wouldn't know what I was thinking. He couldn't.

Why not now?

The stupid, arrogant fae had given me everything I needed. He'd done what I would never have been able to do on my own; given me a way to fight the fae. He'd had me trained, given me weapons, started turning me into one. I had a long way to come, but I had come an equally long way and I might not get the chance – or courage – again.

My time was now.

It didn't matter if Venali or Leyn or Phin were the one to mete my punishment – justice – I knew their retribution would be quick. But my mission would be complete.

I slid the knife he'd encouraged me to keep out from under my pillow and launched at him. True, going for his back was cowardly, but I had to give myself – my weaker hybrid body – a fighting chance.

He whirled at the last minute, like he'd known exactly what I was doing the whole time he'd had his back to me. Like it was a test. A test I'd failed.

He grinned at me as his long fingers wrapped around my wrist. "If I'd known all it would take was for you to kneel before me, I would have forced you to kneel much sooner."