Oddly Specific Clarifications

Part 1

My name is Greg and I have never been convicted or imprisoned for any reason. I am 17 years old. My best friend, Jake, who is not a hippopotamus, lives with me in our apartment.

"Jake, where did the cat go?" I asked him, while cutting a bug free sandwich into triangles, not squares.

"I think it got out again," Jake called from the other room, which was a completely normal room that was in the limits of the apartment and not hanging in the middle of the sky with no supports. I walked into the other room with my sandwich, the left half of it not the right which I had left on the counter, in my real human hand. I had been planning to give the other half to the cat whose name was definitely Kelp and had never been Fred, Pop, Goldie, or Bob.

"Kelp?" I called while I looked around the room. Kelp who was a normal house cat with a tabby pattern and emerald green eyes which were real eyes that are normally sized and completely usual for a pure blooded house cat to have in its noggin.

I looked under the mahogany brown table and found Kelp sitting there. Kelp ran out from the table and into the kitchen that I had just been in. I followed him into the kitchen which was attached to the room that was not hanging in midair and saw him eating the sandwich triangle that was still on the pure white plate now smeared with red jelly.

"Jake i found Kelp" I called to Jake, who was sitting in his chair that was not upside down on the ceiling.

"Good" Jake called back in a way that is perfectly normal for a young adult who has just graduated collage without getting arrested for manslaughter.