Amelia Odair - A Hunger Games Story

9 - You're not alone

When I woke up, for a moment I thought I was in heaven. Everything was white and clean. It took me a second to realize I was in the Capitol again and was getting treated. Someone had washed me and treated my wounds. I looked around and then spotted Finnick. He was half sitting on a chair, half laying on my bed and slept with his head on my blanket. I smiled.

"Fin", I whispered the name which I had never believed I would ever be able to say to the person whom it belonged to again. I had spoken very quiet, but Finnick heard it anyway and jerked up, startled.

"You're awake." There was so much relief and love in his eyes. Suddenly he pulled me in his arms. I took in his familiar smell to convince myself that this had really happened and was just all a crazy dream. Tears rolled over my cheeks.

"I kept my promise, Fin. I did everything I could to survive."

"Thank you."

Finnick spoke quietly and he sound as if couldn't believe either that this was actually happening.

"To have to watch you fighting in that arena – it tortured me. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't made it."

"Only with your help", I answered. Finnick pulled away and gave me a confused look.

"When Caro was so close to killing me, I almost gave up. Until I remembered I shouldn't leave you. And how we have been supporting each other ever since Mum and Dad died. I love you Fin, and the thought that I would leave you behind just like them was worse than the one that I would never get to see you again. That gave me the strength to push her away."

Finnick swallowed hard. "It was so close. So damn close."

"It's always close, Fin." I took his hand and stroke it, then tried to adopt a humorous tone. "So, when do I have to jump into an ugly dress and do that interview with Caesar in which he dugs out all the details from the games?"

Finnick laughed and I tried to join in. It had indeed been close. If I hadn't managed to push Caro I wouldn't be here now. And Caro would be alive. Alive. It seemed as if reality was only now catching up to me. I had been in the Hunger Games. And I had survived. Out of 24 teenagers, I had been the only one to survive. I myself was responsible for three of those deaths. Three deaths. I swallowed hard.

"Amy?" Finnick had seen my smile fade away and I looked back to him. "Everything okay?"

"I killed three tributes. Killed, Fin. They won't return to their families. They will part of those who will be forgotten. I deprived them of their future." I shivered.

"I'm a murderer, Fin. What have I done?" Despair and horror overwhelmed me.

"Hey." Finnick pulled me into his arms again and stroke my hair. "You only defended yourself. You didn't murder them. Murder is when you kill someone because you want to, not because you have to. It's normal for you feel that way but remember you're not the only one. I had to go through that. Mags had to go through that. Annie had to go through that. And so many more. You're not alone, Amy."

His soft voice managed to calm me down a bit. But I knew that I would never be able to get rid of the guilt that grew in me. It was a part of me now, and it would never ever go away.

-*-

You're not alone. I kept repeating that in my head when I stepped upon the stage, telling myself that if others had done it, so could I. It was time for my victor interview. I was wearing a dress in dark blue which was tight on the waist and had a wide skirt which fell on the ground in multiple layers. My feet were in high heels and my hair was put up in a royal way, showing some pearl earrings. I really did look like a victor.

When I stepped out into the bright light, the whole crowd cheered. I smiled and waved before sitting down on the chair next to Caesar.

"Well Amelia, you have just won the 72nd Hunger Games. How does that feel?"

"Unbelievable", I responded truthfully. "I never thought I would make it this far and I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact. But here I am."

"What was the best moment?"

I smiled and responded without hesitation. "That would be the one when I woke up and Finnick was with me." Some touched sighs came from the audience.

"Was he relieved?", asked Caesar with a smiling face.

I nodded. "Not only that. He squeezed me so hard that I thought if I hadn't died in the arena, I would die now for sure." The audience laughed and I forced myself to smile.

After it calmed down, Caesar picked up his questions again. "You have appeared to have been very familiar with your district partner. What was his name again?"

It was a huge challenge to not drop my smile. "Liam." Why did he have to bring up Liam? Finnick had been right. This interview was anything but easy.

"Oh yes. Well, there have been speculations that the two of you have been an item, so I thought I might as well ask you directly?" He cast a meaningful glance at the camera.

"Liam and I grew up together. He has always been a loyal and reliable friend and the best support I could have had."

"Only a friend?" Caesar made a disappointed face. "Not more?"

I shrug my head, still smiling. "I think I'm speaking on behalf of us both when I'm saying that we were more like brother and sister rather than anything else." I thought of Liam's sister Jasmine. How was she now? I went cold when I feared that she might hate me for returning instead of Liam. I had heard from Liam after all that she had needed him.

Caesar's voice drew me back to him. He asked a few more questions about the games themselves and how I had experienced them, and I answered them as truthful as I could, posing them more as an adventure rather than the horror they had actually been.

"Well, that was all for today. We look forward to hearing more from you when the victor tour starts. Ladies and gentlemen: Amelia Odair, the victor of the 72nd annual Hunger Games!" The crowd cheered and I smiled widely. To grin and bear it, as I had learnt by Finnick.