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"Goodbye, Mom."
"Fatima!" I ignore her outburst and the curious stares from the other patrons as we leave the private room. I'm afraid that if I look back, I will allow her to weaken my resolve and I'll be trapped in her toxic cycle once again. So I keep my gaze low until Zac pulls me into another private room.
Once the door is closed behind us Zac turns to face me his hands on the sides of my neck gently tilting my head up to look at him. He steps closer, his eyes pools of understanding as he searches mine.
In this moment more than anything, I want him.
He must understand that because just as I let out a shaky breath and open my mouth to speak he gives me a sad smile, shakes his head, and says, "I got you." Then he pulls me into him, wrapping his arms around me.
In his arms, I fall apart not stopping the tears that drip down my face as I mourn the loss of the relationship that I never truly had. I allow the tears to cleanse me of the memories, rejection, loneliness, longing and anguish my mother caused me. Every time she made me feel like I wasn't good enough, like I wasn't worth the effort.
Through my tears, I find freedom and peace. It's like a weight's been lifted off me. By the time I'm through I feel light and I'm grateful for my husband who has been wiping my tears this whole time.
I've owned bras longer than I've known this man and yet he's so in tune with exactly what I need.
He's been so patient with me.
"Thank you," I say burying my face into his chest when I finally feel like I can talk again.
"No need to thank me it's my bad for not getting you out of there sooner but I'ma fix that."
"No baby, that needed to happen and I'm glad it happened the way it did. I can move on now. I was thanking you for now just being here with me and letting me process everything."
"Oh you know I'm always gon' ride for you,"
"And I'm grateful for you," I say leaning up to give him a quick kiss.
"You ready to get out of here?"
"Yeah, let's get to your mom's."
"You know we don't have t-"
"I know, I know we don't owe nobody shit," I say rolling my eyes at him
"You gon get yourself got with that mouth of yours," he says with a big grin on his face.
His smile does something to my ass that I can't explain.
Yes, I can.
His smile makes me smile, both inwardly, and outwardly and that's all the reassurance I need that I'm going to be okay. I'm glad I got this conversation off my chest, and in doing so I'm allowing myself to embrace this new love with my husband and his family without reservations.
