SILLAGE [2] || Grayson Hawthorne

Chapter 1- Aconite

"That's good." -Grayson Hawthorne
(reference hide and seek: the olive theory)

---

He watched her.

Lorelai was standing by a corner and staring at a blonde man waltzing, a look of distaste on her face though she tried her best to hide it. A fire sparked in his chest at the thought of her mistaking him for somebody else, but was it truly her fault? It was a masquerade party after all, and yet she stood out to Grayson like a blossom in thorns.

One sip of his drink, one blink, and the ache still wouldn't go away. His skin longed for her, every breath that escaped from his lungs only did so with the idea that he would one day be breathing beside her.

Lorelai. She was still watching the stranger.

Grayson inhaled deeply before setting his drink down, everything in him wanted to walk over to her, she was right there. He tried to keep his feet planted, tried to remain stoic and cold, but she brought out a warmth in him. It spread from his chest and tingled by his fingertips.

Grayson's muscles softened the more he looked at her, his eyes took in every feature of hers not hidden by the mask, and god, was she beautiful. It terrified him how fast his heart was beating, like it wanted to crawl out and fall into her hands. He knew it was hers anyway.

His eyes never left her as he walked. He was desperate, he needed her to know he would never waltz unless it was with her. This was not a show of weakness, that would imply he had the strength to resist in the first place.

"I would never mistake you for somebody else, you know." he said once he reached her, standing behind the woman he longed for. He let out a shaky breath, surprising himself with how much self control he had when his skin was screaming to be touched by her, blessed by her.

"Is this a riddle?" Lorelai turned around, her blue eyes piercing his gray ones. She looked annoyed, angered at the sight of him. Her feelings were justified but that didn't make it any less agonizing.

His mouth went dry at her expression, though semi-hidden by her black mask. The design of her outfit was intricate, everything matched, but he didn't care for such materialistic things. He only had one wish and she was standing right in front of him, "No riddle, just fact" he said casually, he was not allowing her to soften his heart, just her very presence had done so already.

"Hm." she replied with nothing more before turning away from him to eye the dancefloor once again.

Unbeknownst to anyone, her nerves calmed the second she heard his voice. It was foolish to even think but she was relaxed at the thought of being wrong, Grayson wasn't dancing with anyone. She might have just burned the entire ballroom if he was, this was her second try at a debut into Texan society, everyone else be damned.

He opened his mouth to speak but guilt crept up his throat and lodged itself by his vocal cords. Memories of the last few days threatened to keep him speechless. Grayson pressed his lips together, he felt selfish. There he was disturbing her peace after telling her nothing could happen between the both of them.

But he couldn't help it, the cold man only had eyes for her, his gaze lingered on the back of her head before he decided to succumb to the guilt and back off. It hurt walking away from her, he felt like a small mouse trying to escape a sticky pad. Just like the mouse, it pained him to do so. Just like the mouse, he was afraid. However, unlike the mouse, he wanted to stay.

---

This was torture, he was convinced. The dinner portion of the ball finally came and Alisa had sat him beside her. Lorelai's knife scraped against the porcelain of the plate, Grayson would typically wince and tell the person to do it more quietly but he couldn't find anything she did worth correcting.

Lorelai was perfect, he wasn't. That thought alone forced him to stay silent and eat his steak.

His grey eyes often glanced at her plate, he took note of how she shoved the tomatoes to the side but still tried her best to eat some. He lifted some food into his mouth and looked away for a split second before he was back to staring at her plate.

Grayson absorbed everything she did like it was crucial information. He wanted to learn her, to memorize her.

Lorelai seemed to really like the olive's in the salad, the bowl that sat beside her plate was nearly empty. He didn't need to look at his own bowl to know that he had neglected the olive's and wasn't planning on eating them any time soon.

But if he had been stuck on an island and asked what food he'd like to eat for the rest of his days he would say olive's. He'd leave baskets of olive's around the island. He'd plant trees that would rival the ones grown in Palestine. And while doing all this, he'd have the foolish wish that she would visit him at least once on the island he was banished to.

Grayson blinked and focused back on eating his meal. The knife and fork threatened to slip out of his loose grip. How was it that Lorelai had left him feeling so weak when all they did was kiss?

"How are you liking the food?" he asked softly, not lifting his eyes from his plate to look at Lorelai. The collar of his shirt felt too tight suddenly and his suit felt small, that was when he knew she was looking at him. "It's fine." she replied plainly.

An embarrassed blush threatened to taint his cheeks, he should've thought of a better question. Something less easy to answer, maybe a riddle would been smarter.

"That's good." he settled for a basic filler sentence. It was all he could come up with while his mind was full of his sudden insecurities.

Grayson ran a hand through his hair so he could sneakily steal a glance of her unmasked face. Lorelai rolled her eyes at the action and he felt even worse.

Unbeknownst to him, she was panicking underneath her cold exterior. She wanted to take him by the shoulders and shake him until he finally woke up from this trance, until he finally saw that the only thing standing between them was himself.

Lorelai had gone through worse and yet, somehow, this lack of emotional closeness between them hurt her more than any bruise could. She wanted to speak but whenever she looked at him her mind would flash to the face he made while rejecting her.

Grayson kept his eyes down, he had learned his lesson now. Everything he did aggravated her, and he never wanted Lorelai to feel anything negative.

His hands trembled slightly as he cut deeper into his steak, simultaneously tearing into his chest and forcing his heart to slow.

He couldn't keep wishing for things that would never come true. And neither could she.

***
oh my goodness gracious youve accidentally been bamboozled. i know i said first ten chapters out by christmas but tons of things happened hehe, anyways third person/grayson pov. what if i write the whole book in his pov

also FREE PALESTINE !!