Love killer|Seungin✓

ONE|💗

My surroundings are dark, a little hazy as I rub my eyes with my wrist. The sheets around me are moving noisily. I turn my head realizing hyunjin was still here?

"Hm, jinnie?" I mumbled, he turned and looked down at me.

"Oh, you're awake beautiful." He said as he wrapped his arms around my waist, lowering himself closer into the blanket with me.

"what are you doing here?" I asked.

"What are you talking about, did you drink last night or something? I came over last night don't you remember?" He asked, raising his brows with a pout.
Oh God, not again...

"No, I didn't forget anything but apparently you did" I corrected him as I sat up. "cause you're not supposed to be here when I wake up, we've agreed on that." The delivery in my words were are bit harsher than I wanted, especially cause hyunjins one of my favorite fuck buddies, if not my favorite, but I've told him this a million times and he still keeps trying. Im too busy for this.

His face even if just for a moment did give away the hurt that I had caused him, his features drooping noticeably before popping back up in faux ignorance and bliss.

"Uh, well yeah.....but I've done that a lot, I thought maybe we could switch it up, I could make you breakfast." He said, his words getting quieter and quieter as he went on, his voice and body trembling.

Sometimes in a quieter moment, I think that I like seeing this side of him, that I enjoy his body shaking from nervousness, the image in my head of such a strong reaction almost turning me on. He was so desperate to be with me, the idea was easy to find pleasant. Until I was actually witnessing it, alone I think I can be a lot harsher, believe that I'm more selfish than I really am. But in the reality of the moment its torture, I really do care about jinnie, I'd say in a way i love him. Seeing him like this doesn't make me feel powerful or attractive like I thought before. It just makes me feel sick, with myself and with whatever guardian Angel is looking after hyunjin, cuz they're clearly not doing a good job, if he's here with me.

"Oh my gosh, hyunjin, you know I'm too busy for this shit, I mean I got some where to be in thirty minutes, I could already have my outfit on by now, if it wasn't for you being so clingy and weird about everything!!" I scolded as harshly as I could muster, and climbed out from the bed, he looked up at me with the same sad puppy dog look as always. Ugh..

"But, innie.... it's not like I want to waste your time." He said as he followed me into the bathroom. "Really I'm not trying to waste anything for you or me, I'm worth your time innie-"

"Stop, stop ok." I cut in, turning and raising my hand. "First off- stop calling me innie. Second off, you clearly can't handle this lifestyle hyunjin-"

"Well obviously, how the hell is anyone supposed to??" He bit back. "I'm sleeping with the most beautiful man on earth, anytime he wants me, how am I expected not to want to love you, you're everything to me." He whined, wrapping his hands around my hips. I instantly took them off, I have trouble making the boundary for us clear sometimes, but I knew I couldn't let him get this close.

"Please jeongin, I love you, Im in love with you and I can't move on, please." He begged. I shook my head before turning away from him and back towards the mirror, my hands tightly on to the ends of the counter.

"I just don't get it hyunjin." I said seriously as he stared down at me through the mirror, his eyes glossy and pained. "You are so attractive and you have a great life, a great high paying job. Anyone would love to have you, so why the hell do you want the one person who is just using you?" I asked, glancing at him for a second before the intensity of my own words had sunken in, then I looked away. I might be an asshole but at least I'm honest.

"I don't have a perfect life, and if anything all that stuff just makes it worse. I have the money, the looks. And clearly I'm at least a decent lover, but yet the one person I want doesn't want me." He argued, causing me to only sigh harder than last time as I turned around.

"No, no... you've got this all wrong jinnie, this is what I've been trying to say, you're taking this serious, personal, but it's not, I'm not. Can't you understand, it's not that I don't want you, or that I want to hurt or use you, I just don't want anyone, ok."

"So even if I was perfect........you still wouldn't want me? Hyunjin asked in a mumble.

"Yes, that's exactly it hyunjin. I mean you practically are perfect and if I ever decided to try a serious relationship again, you would be the first person I'd ask for." I said, half just wanting to save his feelings and half being the truth. I did sometimes daydream about what it was like to be in love, and usually the only person I can imagine doing it again with, is jinnie.

He looked at me speechless, still clearly sorrowful, his mouth slightly hung open and the water in his eyes gently flowing over.

....

"I-im sorry for wasting your time, I love you jeongin." He said quietly as he looked down towards the tile floor. I watched in silence as he turned around and slowly grabbed his coat off the back of my lounge chair near the bed, he looked back up at me.

"You've always been my first choice.."