Paint my world (Sherlock X OC)

The almost kiss

Thinking, all I did for one whole day was thinking. I thought of every possible situation, consequences and questioned my choice of words. I love him? how come? I don't think I felt like having sex with him, I don't think I want to marry him, he's not young, not rich, is he handsome? maybe, quite intelligent too... oh god! Getting frustrated at myself I walked loudly, stomping my foot on the floor, so they were aware of me coming towards them.
"oh hello" said Sherlock, "you slept for a long time Melody".
I looked at him inspecting why would I even say that I love him.
"is anything wrong?" he asked a bit confused, I didn't reply, why? what's about him that I always feel like I need to hug him and everything will be fine.
"Melody?" he called me so I reply to him.
"I'm thinking" I finally replied, narrowing my eyes and inspecting him thoroughly.
"okay and?" asked John, he looked even more confused than the detective.
"imagine this Sherlock" I said gesturing a tv screen with both my hands, "when I'll get married, wil you miss me?" I knew not what I meant, and I believe they didn't either for they too were baffled as hell.
"I will, we all will" replied the detective, no, not even a bit of sadness there, why did I want him to be sad about it anyway?
"okay so I can get married to anyone I want basically?" I still didn't know what I was trying to ask.
"what point are you trying to make?" John asked me being absolutely confused of my random questions.
"ugh" I groaned in frustration, "I don't know myself" I replied burring my face in my palms.
"figure out, we are waiting" replied the detective, the person for whom I seem to not fall in love with anyone, the person I've been coming back to everytime I try to date anyone, the person who loves me more than any of my past lovers and... wait wait wait! loves me?
"what is up with you?" Sherlock's voice startled me, I forgot what I was thinking or tried to,
"I - I, f-fine" I uttered, "I'm fine".
"look Melody" stood up Sherlock saying this and came towards me, "Melody I have to tell you something.."
"no!" I said stepping away a bit from him, "no please ".
"please what?" he stopped, stood where he walked to, "say it".
"I..." I didn't know what he asked me to say but I stared at him, realising he even knows the truth. My truth.
"fine, I'll give you two options to choose from " he said and my hands started to sweat for I could guess what kind of choice he was asking me to make, "a rich handsome prince like man or me".
I gazed at him with my wide eyes for how bold it was of him to ask such a thing.
"what the hell was it Sherlock " John stood up from his seat and asked with confusion and a bit of annoyance.
"let her Speak" Sherlock replied to him, "me or a prince like man".
"I - why would you?" I asked, why is he making me make such a choice.
"speak" Sherlock was determined to get an answer from me and I know he's as stubborn as me, he won't let me go without speaking up.
"why is it so?" I finally answered after thinking a little, "why is it that my head says the rich guy, a kinda guy I want beside me but my heart says..." I hesitated, "my heart says ... it says... you".
John's mouth fell open and we all stood still.
"I knew it" Sherlock said with a smirk.
"knew what?" I know I'm just too shameless to still stop at this point.
"that you love me" he replied and that is more confusing to me.
"but I don't feel sexual attraction towards you" I said, which is true I never felt like that..you know.
"but you like cuddling to me, you like walking with me, you like when I kiss you, you love to be with me, you want to be with me forever, don't you?" he stated, and everything was true.
"but sex?" I asked.
"love is not just sex" he replied, "sex comes after love, now I'll kiss you, if you don't like it then tell me, but if you do, you have to kiss me back".
Him saying it, Sherlock saying it. A heat somehow spreaded along my cheeks, were my cheeks visibly pink? I did gulp as well, with the thought of his lips on mine. Why's that? do I want to sleep with him?