The father he never had.

The Father He Never Had, And The Father He Will Always Be.

-
Christmas Day.

Oh how Simon always hated Christmas.

He dreaded the holiday, not being able to recall a single happy memory of the day... or any holiday really.

Simon would much rather drink his sorrows and be alone.

Or he used to.

He met you two years before he retired from the military. He didn't expect you to wait for him, he didn't expect you to love him so much.

Simon found himself breaking down the walls he had built around himself for most of his life.

For the first time in his life, he confessed his love to someone.

For the first time, he wasn't scared to show his face.

For the first time, he felt like he had a home.

-

You and Simon got married after 4 years, and he knew it was the best decision of his life.

When you announced your pregnancy for the first time, he was petrified.

Simon wasn't ready to be a father. He wasn't ready- would he ever be ready? How is anyone ready?

-

As the months went on, he found himself leaning in naturally to knowing he was going to be a father soon.

He spent hours on the nursery, spent days watching videos and going to classes. He went to therapy, parenting courses, and even went as far as buying dozens of books.

Simon made sure you took your vitamins and didn't strain. He washed your hair and body every night, spending extra time on your rounded belly as he talked or hummed quietly, swearing that it was good for the baby.

When he found out it was a boy, he was ecstatic.

You two decided to name him after Simon's deceased friend, Johnny. And god was that the perfect name.

-

When Johnny was born, Simon wasted no time in stepping in. He was more than happy to stay up late, to wake up early, to clean diapers and bottles daily. He was happy... he felt like he had another reason to keep going.

Johnny was beautiful. He had soft blonde hair and brown eyes with the cutest dimples anyone's ever seen.

Simon loved that child more than anything in the world.

-

As Johnnys first Christmas approached, Simon was... eager. For the first time in his life, he was eager for Christmas.

Simon spent hours setting up the Christmas tree and all the lights outside the house, shoveling the driveway, Laying down salt, God knows what else.

-

Christmas Day was... perfect.

Simon held the baby to his chest as he shushed him gently, his large hand on the back of the baby's head as he walked slow circles around the living room.

Johnny fussed a bit, his small hands gripping Simon's shirt as he watched the Christmas tree pass by each time Simon did a lap. His big brown eyes sparkled, not realizing how much he was loved.

Simon took his time as he held the child, able to smell the breakfast you were making. His eyes flickered to the tree as well, turning his head and pressing a kiss to the child's soft, blonde hair.

This is what he never knew he always needed.

The Christmas he never had.

The family he never had.

The father he never had.

The father he would always be.