He leans in, resting his weathered hand on the bed.
"Treat all the bad things like dreams, Kenzie. That way, no matter how scary or dark they get, you just have to survive until you wake up."
Maddie
Mom and I get out of the car after dance. It's 6.30 pm. Mom opens the front door. It's really quiet. Usually Mackenzie has the TV up full volume when we're not here. Maliboo charges at us, barking really loud and jumps up at us. Mackenzie is usually right behind her. She runs into the kitchen. I follow her in. The knife drawer is open and there's one missing. Three signs.
"Mom!" I yell. "Mom!"
She comes into the kitchen. "What is it, Maddie?"
I'm shaking. "You know Mackenzie usually has the TV up loud? And she's always behind Mali when she runs to us?" Mom nods. I point to the open knife drawer and point out the missing one. "Maddie, you can't be saying," Mom suddenly looks worried.
"Upstairs, Maddie. Now!"
We run up the stairs, to Mackenzie's door with Kenzie in silver letters on it and the purple Keep Out sign she made. Mom pushes it open, and we both scream. Mackenzie's body...no, Mackenzie, is lying on the floor with a bloodstained knife next to her. We drop to our knees beside her. "Oh, Mackenzie, my little girl." Mom cries. I pick up Mackenzie's wrist, crying, trying not to hyperventilate or throw up, and feel for her pulse. "Mom! She's alive! Call 911!"
Mom grabs her phone out of her purse and calls 911. "My daughter has tried to take her own life. Please send an ambulance." She sounds strangely calm as she gives our address. We both hold Kenzie's hands as I text all the girls telling them what happened and to come to the hospital as soon as they can.
Me
----
I'm alive, at least I think I'm alive. I'm not in my room any more, I know that. This room is white. I feel like I've woken up from my unconsciousness but I know I haven't. I sit up. I'm in the hospital. I know I'm still out of it when I see the man at the end of the bed. "I don't know you. Who are you?"
I ask. He only smiles. "Mackenzie Ziegler. Good to see you awake."
"Am I dreaming?" I ask him.
"Yes, Mackenzie. The only difference is that this is a good dream."
"I think you're lying. This isn't a dream. This isn't a good thing. This is a bad thing."
He smiles again. "You're right. It is a bad thing. But you're treating it like a dream, because that makes it more bearable for you. You're going to wake up for real soon, Mackenzie."
He leans in, resting his weathered hand on the bed. "Treat all the bad things like dreams, Kenzie. That way, no matter how scary or dark they get, you just have to survive until you wake up."
And then he's gone.
"Wake up!" I tell myself. "Wake up wake up wake up! This has all been a dream, wake up Kenzie! Please, wake up!"
Maddie
---------
My sister. Lying in a hospital bed, white and pale. Eleven years old and so tiny. The last thing she heard me say was when I said I deserved to beat her. What kind of sister am I?
Mom is crying. She's looking down, not looking at either of us. I lay my head down next to Mackenzie's. "I'm so so sorry," I whisper in her ear. "I'll be a better big sister to you, Kenzie. I love you so much, my little sister." Tears start falling down my cheeks. "Please don't leave me."
