the asmodai ↣ style

Chapter Two

Chapter 2: BFFs

Okay, so Stan was pissed off about and a little amazed at what Kenny had done, but at least now things made sense. That was just Kenny reading sex into everything and spreading rumors, so it wasn't like it was based on fact, or something.

Because the project was due next Friday, Kyle insisted that they meet in the library that Saturday and research. When they arrived (Cartman whining about sacrificing his weekend for homework) they found that Kyle hadn't been the only one to come up with the idea; Heidi's group was there too, monopolizing the best tables in the back corner.

Stan shouldn't have been surprised. Heidi and Kyle bonded over research papers and midterms. It had all started in their freshmen year, when Kyle had discovered finals for the first time and nearly killed himself by going three weeks without sleeping and drinking nothing but coffee. He'd ended up nearly as bad as Tweek. Eventually his parents had had to check him into the psych ward, where he'd reportedly seen what was either God, or a faulty forty-watt light bulb. Kenny had assured them all that it didn't matter which, because they were both equally inefficient.

(Stan had asked him what God said. Kyle told him God spoke in a low electric hum incomprehensible to mortals.)

Then Kyle and Heidi had found out that, even though they had went through a minor nervous break down, he still had only gotten second in his class and she was third. Whereas Heidi accepted her loss, Kyle tracked Wendy down and begged her for her secret; she'd agreed to tutor him and he'd apparently fallen in love with her flow charts and color-coded notes. Ever since then they'd gotten together every Thursday and studied or, as Kenny referred to it, "mind-fucked."

Stan had had a real problem with it at first. Kyle had laughed it off at first and assured Stan he was interested in one thing and one thing only from Wendy, and that was her timetables. After a while, however, he got fed up and told Stan to stop his bitching and get over it.

"Writing about all the good Hitler did. This," Cartman said, "is going to be the easiest assignment ever."

"Cartman," Kyle said through clenched teeth. "I'm warning you now, you say anything-"

"Let's open with his brilliant solution to the Jew infestation."

"God damn it Cartman, shut your fucking mouth!"

The librarian gave Kyle a dirty look. He fumed and began leafing through a book. They sat in silence for the next thirty minutes or a so; every time Cartman opened his mouth, Stan kicked him under the table.

"Damn it," Cartman finally broke out, "quit kicking me, you God damn hippie-!"

"Kyle? I need your help."

Cartman turned around in his seat; Stan, Kenny, and Kyle looked up from their books. Heidi was standing there, clutching a handful of notes and a book on Korean economics.

"What do you want, ho?"

Heidi glared at him. "I wasn't talking to you, Cartman," she said with contempt. "I need help with this project; see, my group is-"

"Tell you what," Cartman said. "I'll be generous and help you out. You be the labor and I'll be management. First, go get some books-"

"Cartman!" she snapped, "I don't need help from a racist, megalomaniac like you!"

"Christ, you sure are a bitch when you ask for a favor."

"Uh, Heidi?" Kyle tried to intervene, but Heidi seemed to have forgotten the other three boys existed.

"The day I ask you for a favor is the day a Galapagos tortoise flies out of my ass!"

"Well I always knew you had something stuffed up there."