the asmodai ↣ style

Chapter Three

Chapter 3: Jessica Rabbit is Hot

"Sure," Token said.

"Of course," Red said, combing her fingers through her hair. "Isn't it your anniversary soon?"

"You two are totally made for each other, too," Jason said.

"Ob-obvi... obviously, Stan," Jimmy stuttered.

"Yeah," Clyde said. "Why do you ask?"

"Duh," Sally said.

"Wuh-well shucks, Stan, everyone knows that," Butters said, wringing his hands a little.

Stan sat at a lunch table, his head resting on his folded arms, and waited for Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman to return from the lunch line.

I don't believe it.

All morning, he'd asked everyone he came across. People he remembered from elementary school. People who knew him, who'd seen him agonize over Wendy.

And they'd all said Yes.

Everyone! They hadn't even hesitated, they'd all just nodded and said Yes, of course you're dating Kyle Broflovski, like they were discussing the color of the sky.

Stan slipped his arms out of the way and banged his head on the table a few times, until someone's hand landed on the back of his neck. He glanced up at Kyle, who had his tray balanced on one hand and was giving him a half amused, half concerned look.

"Dude, there are easier, less painful ways to kill brain cells." Stan smiled feebly and Kyle sat down next to him, Cartman and Kenny dropping into place across from them.

"So," Kenny said immediately, "how many people think you and Kyle are going at it every night, and twice on Fridays?"

Stan muttered something and glared at a nearby tree. Kenny snickered.

"I don't want to say 'I told you so,' but - no, actually, I do want to say it."

Stan redirected his glare to Kenny. "I've just been... asking the wrong people! That's it! They're all gullible..."

"Stan, you need to let it go, man," Cartman said, glaring and smacking Kenny's hand away from his food.

Stan glared at him, too, than turned around and scanned the campus for someone he hadn't asked yet.

"Hey - Craig! Craig!"

The boy turned around and flipped him off.

"Yeah, yeah," Stan said, waving him over. "I want to ask you something."

"Dude-" Kenny said as he walked over. Stan made a 'shut up' motion at him. He and Craig had football practice together and, outside Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman, he was the person he spent the most time with. Stan figured if anyone could vouch for his heterosexuality, it would be him.

"What is it?" Craig asked.

"Do you think Kyle and I are dating?"

Craig blinked and looked at him, then looked at Kyle, who shrugged helplessly, then back at him. "If this supposed to be some sort of trick question?"

"What? No! Just answer the question."

"Well, yeah," Craig said. "I thought you were going to ask me a hard question. Like about our math homework."

Stan stared at him. Craig waited for him to say something, and when he didn't he said, "Is that it?"

"Yeah, that's all," Kenny said, when Stan still didn't reply. Craig returned to his own group and Kenny shook his head.