Omniscient
Syd sat outside in the carport, staring out at the grass that surrounded the back end of her lawn. It hadn't been tended to since sometime last year, and whenever she was alone at home she would sit outside and stare at the overgrown grass.
She found herself doing that now, at 5AM in the morning. Everyone inside and asleep while she sat outside and listened as the busy streets of Atlanta started to wake up.
Her mind began to roam and she felt as if she was out of her own body, just watching herself sit and stare. She began to think about how months ago, she felt as though she had hit rock bottom and no longer wanted to get up.
She stood over herself and began to make out everything in her life. She had a 2 month old daughter, two 4 year olds, and a girlfriend whom she assumed was content with the way things were now.
She didn't know whether she was happy or not, and she didn't wanna tell anyone in fear that she'd be putting herself through everything she had went through the past year. She also feared that no one would want to hear about her problems, or what she thought of things, or how she felt about anything.
It was evident that they didn't care about her at all, and she was just playing a role in everyone's life. She stood over herself and felt as though she was just another character in someone else's book. She didn't have a book of her own, it seemed as though her story was not worthy of being told.
From 5 to 32, from bad to the absolute worst. And it seemed now that her only job was to make everyone else happy, because as long as everyone else felt good then that was all that mattered to anyone.
Ion wanna live like this anymore.
She stood up from the chair and took a deep breath before going back into the house, softly closing the door. She went into the bedroom and went to check on Charli before glancing at Honey who was still asleep.
So she made her way to the closet to pick out an outfit, and then she went to the bathroom for a shower.
If I do this, I can't quit after the first day. I gotta stay a week. Just a week, but if I don't like it, I'm out. On to the next method. Whatever it takes to fix me.
She thought about going to group again, and how her first one didn't really help her. And then therapy, she dreaded going to therapy before since she was too stuck up and stubborn to actually listen to what the doctor was telling her.
But after getting in contact with the woman a few nights ago, she found herself preparing to go there again. When she was finally dressed and ready, it was 6:23AM and her appointment was at 9.
She sat down at the edge of the bed and glanced at the window, seeing the sun began to make itself visible. The bedroom door opened and in came Duke, he made his way before Syd and laid before her feet and just stared out at the wall.
"What's wrong?" Syd turned her head at the sound of Honey's voice, the woman was rubbing her eyes while waiting for an answer. "Nothing." She mumbled in return, hearing Honey shift.
"Why're you up... and dressed?" She asked after a minute, Syd could feel all of her attention now on her. "Got some things to do today."
