Everyone Goes to Hell in the End - South Park AU

The Imp

The Imp Parts 1-7

South Park was taken over by the devil. Craig was a pastor in his beloved community. He was a very pious man and a leader to his fellow Christians. He had recently taken this job as the town's pastor and it was going great, but Pastor Craig has noticed within his community that the youth has become enthralled with demons. While tossing out the trash by the back of the church, he saw teenagers tagging the ground with what looked like a summoning circle. "Hey! Kids! What are you doing? Stop that!" he called out, but they ran away, not completing the circle. He was able to observe and memorize the pattern in case he saw it again, but thankfully, no demons were summoned. Pastor Craig contemplates in his home below the church how his community has fallen to the hands of Satan, and ponders on what he can do to prevent it. Talking to the youth would be useless. He had worked as a youth pastor before, and from experience, teenagers don't take well to being told what to do. Something has to be trying to claw its way into this town. But how to figure out what? What kind of monsters or demons would want to spread evil into this town? He would need to turn to search for the source to find out Satan's plan. He decided he would summon the demon that was trying to poison his town. He would save this town from the devil, even if he had to take extreme measures.

Craig had a black marker in his hand and he popped it open. He began to draw the lines he had memorized earlier with a marker onto the pretty white floor of the tall church. The same floor where he praised God was where he would summon a demon, but it was all to help cleanse his beloved town of evil. He drew what he saw in the alley, except this time the circle was complete. He touched the completed circle with his finger and it lit up in red, where a circle of fire blazed up so tall as a creature came out of the ground and flew upward. It remained high in the air and landed on the indoor balcony of the church. Craig couldn't see the face of the creature. "Why have you summoned me?", it asked. The pastor was rendered speechless. The moonlight seen through the stained glass casted a shadow that the pastor could barely make out. "I'll ask again", it said. The creature leapt from the balcony and flew down. Then Craig was able to make out what the creature looked like. If it wasn't for the red horns and scaly wings, he would have thought he was looking at an angel. The creature landed in front of the pastor. "Why did you summon me?"

Pastor Craig escaped his trance. "I am Pastor Craig, and I have summoned you, foul creature, to find out your intentions and motivations to filth up my beloved town with sin! Tell me, what is your business here!" he exclaimed. The creature simply looked up at him. "MY intentions? I've never been here before. If anything YOU tell ME a better reason why you decided to draw my summoning circle IN A CHURCH." it said. Craig thought for a moment. "I saw some young kids drawing this same circle trying to summon you." The creature was confused. "I haven't been summoned by any kids. Especially not here." This was going to sound stupid. "They didn't exactly finish drawing the circle to summon you..." The creature gave a stare of confusion. "So you decided to complete my circle and summon me why...?" he trailed off. "Well I assumed the kids found out about how to summon you one way or another! Satan must be providing this information to the youth in order to bring sin to my precious town." he exclaimed once more. The creature sighed, "Look, obviously, I didn't give anyone here a summoning circle: I just got here. Second of all, imps don't spread sin, we stopped doing that. Third, your reasons for summoning me makes absolutely no sense at all. If anyone is being weird about summoning demons to your town, it's you." Craig then realized how stupid his reasoning sounded.

"I just want to make sure this town is safe from creatures of sin like you." he stated. The creature rolled his eyes. "Once again, we don't care about your stupid redneck town. Whether we intervene to promote sin or not, it won't matter. It won't change the outcome of your afterlife." Huh? "What do you mean it won't change the outcome? The more you promote sin, the more people go to Hell. If people aren't tempted by sin, they don't go to Hell." Craig huffed. The creature just stayed silent and stared. "Right?" asked the pastor. The creature sighed, "I'll go back now. Now you know that we aren't trying to filth your town. I have actual important things to attend to." The creature stepped back into the summoning circle and it glowed red again. The fire wall was starting to build up around the summoning circle again. But the pastor needed answers. He bolted forward and plunged his arm into the fire, grabbing the creature and pulling him out. "WHAT THE FUCK?!" the creature shouted. Craig's jacket sleeve was on fire, so he took it off and stamped it out. His arm was a little burned. He looked up to the creature, who had a face of shock and disbelief. "I need information," Craig said, "so please, don't go yet." "WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT?!" the creature shouted. Craig winced a little in pain. "I want you to tell me more about Hell." The creature huffed. "You just plunged your fucking arm into fire and got it burned and the first thing you say is this bullshit?!" The creature started to pace around. "Genuinely, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?" The creature was freaking out and pacing around. Craig just stood there kind of holding his arm. Craig gulped down his pain. "Please, I want to know what you meant. With what you said earlier? And I want to know more about Hell and the afterlife and everything like that." The creature stared in disbelief and was hyperventilating. "Jesus Christ, alright. Can we at least get your wound cleaned up?! You're fucking crazy man." The pastor nodded. "Let's go to my home."

The creature hadn't stopped hyperventilating and rambling on and on about how crazy Craig was. They were going down the stairs to the pastor's home. Craig opened the door and told the creature, "After you." The creature cautiously entered the place. "This isn't a trap is it? Are you going to try and stab me? Or poison me?" Craig sighed, "No, I'm not. Are you always this paranoid?" "I am PARANOID when a PASTOR summons me for NO GOOD REASON." he spouted. The creature actually seemed to be panicking, and his exasperated gasps didn't cease either. Craig grabbed his wrist and sat him down on the couch. "Creature. I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to know more about the afterlife. If you're still shocked by my actions, I'm sorry. I'll get this cleaned up." Craig said, but the creature wasn't focused. He was spacing out, breathing unevenly, and wasn't listening. "Hey. Tell me what's wrong." Craig said, trying to get his attention. He was semi-successful. "Why would you do that?" he said, then looked up. "Are you that desperate for knowledge that you'll hurt yourself to get it? Or hurt me?" The pastor realized how his impulsive actions may have seemed dangerous to the creature. He felt bad. "My intentions were never to hurt you. I'm sorry if my actions made it seem that way." he said. The creature maintained eye contact, and seemed much more calm. "Would you like to come with me to get my burn cleaned up?" asked Craig. The creature nodded and got up from the couch, following Craig to the bathroom.

The creature and the pastor were just standing in the bathroom. Awkwardly. "So... how do you clean a burn?" Craig wondered. "WHAT? You don't know how to clean a burn?" the creature spouted. Craig opened a cabinet and took out a first aid kit. He rolled up his sleeve to reveal his burn, it wasn't horrifying, but it wasn't great either. "I guess I'll look for something in here." The creature looked horrified. "You have a second degree burn! You're supposed to -ack- keep in cool water." the creature explained. "Oh. I'll get a tub then." Craig replied. Moments later, Craig had his arm soaking under cold water. The creature awkwardly sat on the toilet, observing as the pastor soaked his arm. "That should be good," the creature said, breaking the silence. He got up and took the first aid kit, taking out a roll of bandages. "Are you gonna bandage my arm?" asked Craig. The creature didn't even look up from unrolling the bandage. "Yes. Since you OBVIOUSLY don't know how to do it." he replied. Despite voicing a bit of aggression, he still gently took Craig's arm and started wrapping the burn in bandage. Craig watched as the creature carefully wrapped his arm. What was the creature anyway? "So... if it isn't too intrusive to know... what are you exactly...?" he asked sheepishly. The creature didn't look up, continuing his bandaging. "I'm an imp." he stated. "Oh." Craig said, looking back at his now wrapped wound, feeling shy. "You're done. Don't roll down your sleeve, it'll hurt you. You'll have to change the bandage tomorrow. Do you have pain meds?" the imp said. "Huh? Oh. Yeah. I should have some Advil around here..." he said as he shoved his hand into a cabinet. "Do you have a name, imp?" he asked. The imp hesitated, then said, "My name is Tweek." What an interesting name. "Well, Tweek the Imp, how come you know how to bandage up a burn?" Craig got some Advil and swallowed them. "I've had to clean up many burn wounds. I don't have the power to heal, so we learned how to heal manually." Hm. "Why would you need to heal sinners?" asked Craig. "Some souls would get hurt really badly, especially with fire, so that's why we learned to help heal them." he replied. "You mean to heal sinners." stated Craig. Tweek stared almost annoyingly. "No. I mean souls." he said. Awkwardness. "Let's go back into the living room." Craig suggested. "Fine."

They sat down awkwardly in the living room. "There's something I need to know," said Craig, breaking the silence. The imp just stared. "Earlier, before you were about to leave-" "You mean when you plunged your arm into the fire and yanked me out?" Tweek interrupted. Craig sighed, "Yeah, before that, what did you mean when you said indulging in sin won't change the outcome of the afterlife?" Tweek continued to stare, but it softened. "I think you know what it means." Craig's heart dropped. Tweek sighed. "Look, it's incredibly difficult to get into Heaven. The standards are almost impossible." Craig thought about what the imp had just said. "But... people from my town can still make it. Right?" "Are they Christian?" asked Tweek. "Yes of course, they are very good Christians too." Now Tweek's expression shifted to one of sadness. "Pastor... I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I think you must know... only Mormons get to go to Heaven. Even then, they have to be ultimately pure. Only a few thousand have made it to Heaven so far. Everyone else... is in Hell."