Hockey Skates & Coffee

0.3

Chaewon wasn't good with words.

Her whole life she'd never had to be, people never let her try. People never gave her the chance. She used to loathe that, now, she'd like to go back in time and thank them. She'd also like to go back in time and slap herself in the face. That part would probably come first.

She sighed as she walked into the rink that morning and sighed as she left, two hours of practice completely uninterrupted. She hated how sad that made her. Just a few months ago she'd have been jumping for joy at the opportunity to be left alone, now more than anything she wanted Yunjin to come back. Yunjin with her smiles and her eyes, with those eyes, Yunjin with her laughs and her hockey skates and her obnoxious love of the color sage. Yunjin who Chaewon suddenly couldn't live without

Chaewon didn't know how to ask for forgiveness, she didn't know where to start and where to finish, she didn't know how to make it up to Yunjin in any way. She'd never been given the opportunity to make things better, hell, she'd never been given the opportunity to prove herself. She'd gotten used to it, but all of a sudden she couldn't stand it. She needed Yunjin to forgive her just as equally as she needed Yunjin to hate her, hate her with everything she was. Because more than any of this, Chaewon wasn't used to being liked.

And Yunjin liked her, anyone could see it. Chaewon could see it. And she hated it as equally as she loved it. But she'd rather be at war with herself than without Yunjin, which is a thought that should have scared her more than it did.

So she would beg for forgiveness at the temple, and she would dip all of herself in except her heel, and she would be weak. She would rid herself of her stoic armour and be weak. Not for Yunjin, but for herself. Because even though Yunjin was the sun, and the moon and the stars, and Yunjin smiled like snow falling on the ground giving gentle kisses to the grass, Chaewon knew that she deserved that. She didn't deserve every amazing part of Yunjin, but she deserved something good. And if that something good was just seeking forgiveness, she would do it. The only question was how.

—--

Her question was answered swiftly the next day as Chaewon passed a flower shop. There were the kind of white flowers in the window that were as beautiful as the sun rising, almost as beautiful as Yunjin. Chaewon paused, Chaewon reflected, Chaewon cringed. Then Chaewon went in and bought the flowers.

Chaewon was not usually the type to display her affections very obviously, usually her crushes went something like this: pining. Yes, there was one stage, and that was it. Chaewon was adding a confession to her endless list of firsts, but it would be a confession-apology-display-whatever. Chaewon would be sure to cry at Yunjin's feet and also sweep her off them at the same time.

—--

Chaewon's question was answered a second time as she saw a notice on the rink stating there would be a hockey game that following weekend. Chaewon smiled to herself as she concocted a plan that would surely make her want to crawl out of her skin. But she knew it would make Yunjin smile. Even if it would be the sort of smile that comes from laughing at someone and not with them, Chaewon would be satisfied. Just one smile from Yunjin would be enough, whether it be malicious or not. A smile Chaewon would store in her chest and keep for a lifetime. The kind of smile she'd start wars for (if she had the materials) ((and the enemies)) (((actually, scratch that, she definitely had the enemies))).

—--

It felt strangely cold and unfamiliar in the rink as Chaewon loaded in along with many others to watch the hockey game. She ducked down and tried to hide her face lest Yunjin catch a glimpse of her and have it throw her off her game. She hated that she had to do that, but the moment the hate fluttered into her chest it died, Chaewon was so over hating things.