SONGS FOR THE BROKENHEARTED

ALL THAT SHE IS... 1

----Lois----

I have someone who loves me. And he's been by my side since year one—my partner in everything. He knows me, even the parts I try to hide. He knows I won't let him in. And yet, he still pushes. Keeps hoping. I don't want to give him the burden of loving someone who doesn't know how to fix herself. But he doesn't seem to understand. He doesn't want to understand that being called a "runs girl" isn't something anyone would want to be known as.

I understand exactly where the name stems from. I perfectly accept my faults and shortcomings, but I cannot figure out how to heal from them. Or maybe I don't want to. What I know for sure, though, is that I won't allow anyone to waste their pure love on me—especially Jide.

"Lois, there's this place I know that serves amazing stir-fried rice. How about we have dinner there?"

"Jide, I'm not hungry," I lie. This is the third time this week he's tried to take me out, and while I know it might seem like a harmless dinner, I don't want to lead him on in any way that might suggest otherwise.

"I know you're hungry. Let's go eat."

"Jide, I need you to stop liking me. It's not going to do you any good. Everyone at school is starting to call you names, and I don't like it." he shouldn't be dragged into my mess. He has done so much for me and i can't stand the fact that is going down with me

"Really? What are they saying?" is he acting?

"Stop asking like you don't know what I'm talking about," I say, rolling my eyes.

"I honestly don't know what you're talking about," he says, confused.

"So, you want me to believe you don't know? Dey play," I humph folding my arms

"I've chosen not to know," he says simply. "That way, it doesn't exist to me."

"Well, they're saying I'm using jazz on you, that there's no way you'd be associating with a 'runs girl' otherwise."

"Lois, you are my best friend" he laughs as if he just heard the most ridiculous thing ever "I've been hanging out with you since year 1 bro, and also Jazz? And who's this 'runs girl' they're talking about?"

"Which one is who? It's me, the runs girl," I say, bitterly.

"Stop saying that. I've told you before, you're not a 'runs girl'. You know you're not. So why are you dancing to their rhythm? I don't like it." his face contorts like he were just served a bad-tasting dish

"Please, just let me go," I beg. My voice is quiet, but it's loaded.

It's almost 6 p.m. and we're by the university library. We've just finished studying for our final paper. Three weeks left till our last paper, and I can finally escape this hellhole I dug for myself. Everything about this place keeps me in a state of constant regret, abandonment, and self-hatred. Maybe it'll stop after graduation.

I start walking away from him, but he grabs my hand to stop me, pulling me closer.

----Jide----

Seeing her swim in her self-hatred makes me so annoyed, but I don't know what else to do but love her and show her how much she should mean to herself, how much she means to me. I pull her close enough for only her to hear my words.

"No, I won't stop, and you know that." I sigh  "I'm in love with you, Lois, and that's not going anywhere anytime soon. I know I sound cheesy right now, but fuck it, I love you. I know that I do. It's... it's not just a feeling," I confess, my voice raw.