End Game (Roni-Borj Story)

Delaying the Inevitable

She was no longer crying, like she had made a decision within that ten-minute drive. And I'm quite certain I wouldn't like that decision.

My heart was beating too fast. Suddenly I was scared to talk to her.

I pulled her to me, and when I was about to carry her, I heard her voice- too calm to my liking, "Borj, I can walk"

"I know you can... but I don't want you to", I said, lifting her and transferring her to my car. I went to get tissues at the console, and squatted beside her seat.

"Ako na...", she said, trying to take the tissue from me.

I pulled my hand away and started wiping her feet. There were some cuts, probably from stones, but it seems that she was not bothered by it. "Is it that bad?", I asked, not looking at her.

"No... it looks worse than how it felt"

"Is your anger that bad, that you'll run bare-footed on a dark driveway to run away from me?"

She was quiet for a while, and when I looked at her, she smiled and said, "I'm no longer mad... I understand, Borj. It's fine"

"I hate it when you say you understand... and that everything's fine. It's like you've already given up and you're done fighting."

"I told you before, I don't have the energy to fight, Borj. I can't do this every now and then"

"And I told you, Roni, I'm not asking you to fight. I just need you to trust me"

"Borj, you cannot just tell me to trust you, and you expect me to do it blindly."

"I'll lay down my cards. The full deck. Take your pick"

I saw her shook her head, and tears start to fall from her eyes. "I just realized, I was not asking for your cards, Borj. I was simply asking you to trust me. Like how I shamelessly opened my uglies to you. But I understand now... trust cannot be forced. It shouldn't be asked for." I saw her wipe her tears, then smiled and said, "Borj..."

"Stop there, Roni. I knew I should have told you from the start... but this... what's happening right now, is not fair. You expected me to fail even before we start that talk"

"Ang kapal ng mukha mo, Borj! You're really turning the table on me"

"Tell me, Roni... tell me you didn't expect that I won't tell you the details when you asked me that question. Tell me you didn't plan on running away the moment you knew I won't be giving you more. Roni... nag-iisip pa lang ako ng isasagot ko, naka-ready ka ng tumakbo"

"I want to go home"

"And ngayong nag-uusap tayo, tatakbo ka ulit kasi alam mong tama ako?"

"Borj..."

"I'll give you my last ten years... fifteen. Gusto mo since nung naging kayo ni Basty?"

She pulled her feet from me, and faced the windshield of the car. She's done talking.

I closed the passenger door, and stood in front of it for a while, my hands on my head. When I was rounding the car, I stopped behind the boot, pressed the palm of my hands to my eyes and screamed my frustration.

Why is it too difficult for us to be ok?

———-
I knew how frustrated Borj is.
I couldn't blame him.
We haven't even completed a week, yet we're already both too drained to talk... to fight.
I guessed regardless of how hard we try, this will always be how our story ends.

He didn't say a word when he started the car.
He didn't even threw me a glance.
I wanted to tell him to drop me off somewhere so I could be out of his hair, but I didn't want to start another argument.

I guessed, we could at least have this goodbye.

We are 30 minutes into the drive, when it started raining. My eyes were automatically to my side of the road, staring at how the rain fell and crashed to the ground. Then, lightning struck... followed by thunder.

I can feel my heart started beating too fast, but I didn't want to make a sound or drew his attention to me. I thought I was getting better at this, or maybe it just so happened that it didn't rain the past few days.

I knew when my breathing becomes erratic, but I didn't dare take my gaze away from the road. I didn't want him to worry about me- I've handled myself for years, without him.

He hasn't seen the definition of ugly, yet he's already giving up. And I don't blame him... I don't.

I felt him holding my hand... but I tried to pull my hand away.

"Ronaliza", he said, warning me. He held my hand tighter, like telling me he's here with me, still.

Thirty minutes later, we reached Antipolo.
The rain has suddenly stopped, like it just purposely gave us a moment to hold each others hands.

The car hasn't come to a full stop yet, when I opened my door and jumped out of it.

I heard when the tires screeched, handbreak was pulled, and before I could run to my escape, he was on me in an instant, my bare feet on his, he was pulling me to an embrace. I wanted to fight him back and pulled away from him, when my eyes landed on his feet.

He was wearing one slipper, the other was barefooted... like he ran with absolute no regard to himself.

I could feel his heart beating too fast, like he was scared... on what, I was not sure.
I felt tears start to run down my cheeks. My heart was aching. I love this guy with all my heart, but how long are we going to fight our fate?

"The next time you jump off from a moving vehicle, I would definitely put you over my knees. Don't scare me like that again, Roni... don't scare me like that", he whispered repeatedly.

When both of us have calmed down, he gave me one final squeeze, then carried me to the house. He put me down on one of the dining chairs, and took paper towel to wipe my feet.

"Your foot is bleeding", I whispered, staring at the red stain on the kitchen floor.

He didn't hear me.

"Does this hurt?", he asked, looking at the sole of my foot.

I held his face, and I couldn't stop myself from crying.

"I told you not to run",  he said, thinking I was crying because of my foot.

"I'm sorry", I said wiping my tears.

"Roni... please, don't", I heard him say, somewhat pleading. "Let me just finish cleaning you up, then you can rest. Try to pack a few clothes, we're going somewhere tomorrow."

I was about to say something else, when he smiled at me, despite the sadness in his eyes, and said, "let me have tomorrow and the next day... please. Then we will talk"