My husband, Mark, is a good man; he's a strong man. When I needed him to step up with our kids as I finished dental school, he became our little family's rock without ever complaining or being bitter. He owned late-night feedings and diaper changes...
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Sinking.
That's the only word to describe what I'm feeling and what I've been feeling ever since my world blew up last night. And, it's what I'm feeling as I realize I just dug myself into a bigger hole. I knew the second the words left my mouth that I'd made a dire mistake. I'm not even sure why I said them in the first place. I just know I'm functioning on no sleep, no real food, and a brain that feels like it's a two-legged dog trying to catch a speeding car. The thought of Lia blaming Eliza, who has been nothing but a great help these past few months, hit me differently and the defensive words flew out of my mouth.
How did I get here?
"Get. Out. Now!" Lia shouts, shocking me to my core. She never yells, and it seems to have also caught her by surprise because her eyes widen before darting up to where the kids' rooms are.
"Lia, I--"
In a whisper, she says, "Please, Mark. We'll talk about this later. Not here. Not with the kids upstairs. I promise we'll talk. But not now."
My jaw clenches. I want to talk about this now; we need to talk about this. It's all a misunderstanding, a misunderstanding I can fix. I'm about to argue with her when Millie's precious little voice flutters down from the top of the steps and stops me from saying anything more.
"Mommy, I'm hungwy. Can we get pizza, pwease?" Both Lia and I look up at our little girl. She stares down at us through the slats of the railings.
"Sorry, Mom!" Charlie, our oldest and the reason Lia even gave this relationship a shot, says, appearing from the hallway. I had to use the bathroom just for a second. I told her to stay in my room until I got back.
I force a smile and say, "It's okay, Bud. Mom and I are almost done. Take her to your room, and we'll order the pizza."
"Thanks, Dad," Charlie says, grabbing his sister's hand and leading her back down the hallway.
Knowing Lia's right that now is not the time for this discussion, I nod my head. "Okay, Lia. I'll leave, but we need to talk. There's a massive misunderstanding."
"Just give me a little time, Mark."
"How much time?"
"Just a few days. I need to calm down before we discuss...well, all that we have to discuss."
"What about the kids? I want to see the kids."
"Really? For six months, you could care less"--her eyes close as she fists her hands at her side--"That's what I mean. I need time, Mark. We can't have a productive conversation right now. When would you like to have the kids?"
My throat tightens. Everything Lia is saying sounds so final, and I don't like it at all. I clear my throat as my mind struggles, knowing I need to fix this somehow. If she needs time, I'll give it to her, but I can start somewhere at least.
