My Heaven

Chapter 1

It's Monday morning, 6 on the dot and my alarm is going off. Gotta get up and ready for school but of course my body is sore. Flashbacks of last night run through my head. Is he here? Maybe if I get ready quick enough and run out the door he won't notice me. Then again he can hear the slightest sounds around the house. Like the house is telling him exactly where I am. As I get up, I notice the bruises on my arms and legs. Last night was bad but it's nothing new. It's expected when he gets home late. Why is my life this way? What can I do to make it stop? As I'm walking to my closet, hearing all the squeaky floorboards, I glance outside to see that his truck is gone... Perfect. Maybe today will be a good day I whisper while smiling to myself.
    I open my closet door and look around at every piece of clothing I own and decide what I will wear today. God do I have so many choices, but only wear the same few things. I think to myself, maybe I'll switch it up today and shock the whole school including my friends, but decide jeans and a black pull over sweater would be best. It might be 90 degrees on a beautiful September day but I can't have my arms showing for the world to see. I don't want those questions to be asked. What happened? Who did you fight? Are you ok? So I'll deal with the possibility of overheating and passing out. Maybe that'll be my way out of this hell hole I call my life. Plus my teachers love to have the classrooms at negative degrees practically snowing, so I'll be cold all day anyways. I glance over to my dresser where my necklace is laying. I have to put it on everyday. It's my favorite thing in the world and holds all my happiness. Without it I would be nothing. Basically feeling naked or lost in the void. It helps keep me grounded. I open my door, walk to my bathroom and look in the mirror at myself. My brown hair which was once long almost to my hips and healthy is now a little past my shoulders and damaged. My mother would be so sad. She loved my hair. She would comb through it while singing to me and when she was done would tell me how beautiful I am and that my smile could light up any room. That she loves me so much. But now... I'll never hear those words again. I look at my eyes which are brown but with everything going on look like they've been getting darker, probably with hatred.
After I brush my teeth and hair, I head to the kitchen and smell a fresh batch of coffee brewing. There's a note on the fridge along with ten dollars. The note saying he'll be gone for the day and will be home tomorrow. That I should have some coffee since all my energy would be drained. At least I can get a break finally. But it's for only one day remember that. I reach for an apple and throw it in my bag as well as a granola bar. Breakfast isn't usually on the menu and lunch isn't really a thought cause I usually don't have the money for it. Hopefully there's something I can make for dinner tonight I say out loud before I check the fridge. Great it's empty. We haven't gone grocery shopping in what seems like forever cause after work he goes to the bar or comes straight home. So we usually get takeout, but that's only if he's in a good mood. Otherwise I try to fix something up like my mother did forever ago.
My mother would love to cook. She would be in the kitchen for hours trying to make new recipes that she saw on tv. It would smell like her perfume mixed with whatever she's making which usually smelled good unless she forgot something in the oven. There would be food everywhere and music playing as loud as it can be on the speaker. She would dance while throwing ingredients into a bowl which some would land on the counter or floor. My father would walk in laughing but would have to join along cause it was hard to resist. We would laugh so hard and sing together making the best memories but probably annoying the neighbors. Those were the good days. God I miss her.
I grab the coffee and dump it into the sink like a bad habit. He hates seeing something he's left for me waisted but I can never bring myself to eat anything he leaves. It would be like he's taking care of me or if he cares but that hasn't happened since the accident and he definitely doesn't give a fuck about me. The pain starts to hit a bit more so I look for Advil and when I find the bottle there's only one pill left. Well there goes the ten dollars.
I walk over to the front door seeing my shoes sitting next to it. My old black vans that are so worn out that I might as well go barefoot. At this point a normal person would buy a new pair but for some reason I can't bring myself to get some. Instead I buy glue to attach the sole back to the rest of the shoe since they keep coming apart but it would only last a couple of days. I'll also buy new laces once they've been sun bleached to make them look somewhat new. But people probably notice and laugh as I walk by. They always do when they see me.
I walk out the front door to the fresh air and not a single cloud in the sky. The trees show there's a slight breeze but I couldn't tell. Of course it's already 80 degrees at 7 am. I see my friends Elizabeth and Maggie at the end of the street looking as beautiful as ever with their well put together outfits waiting for me so we can walk to school. Can't wait to hear how they hate what I'm wearing and it's too damn hot to wear all black and that I'm too beautiful to cover up. But they don't know and they never will.