Silk & Cologne | Miguel O'Hara

Chapter 25 - Healing

I remember powering through the obstacle course again. My focus was neither here nor there as I mindlessly navigated the moving platforms and obstacles. By the time I made it to the end, my stance was more wobbly as I lowered my hands to my knees, catching my breath.

Gabriel took note of my lap times and provided insight on the suit upgrades. As much as I tried to stall, he knew the best thing for me right now was to rest at home. I needed a break.

Not just from training, but from the Spider-Society. From Miguel. From everything.

I remember walking through the portal and arriving back in my apartment. It was late at night, the lights turned off as the entire suite was dark. It was drizzling outside, as I could hear the tiny pitter patter of raindrops against the windows and the fire escape. I glanced over towards it, half expecting Miguel to come through there at any moment. But he didn't.

Why would he?

I remember looking down at myself in my spider-suit. The emblem, though different designs, reminded me too much of the sigil on Miguel's suit. In a huff of frustration, I ripped the zipper down and yanked it off my body. I grabbed a fistfull of it in my hand, about to toss it across the room until I stopped myself, looking at it again.

My mind drifted back to Margo and Hobie helping me design the concept and most recently Gabriel helping me upgrade it. My free hand gently wrapped itself around my stomach. I wasn't mad at them, or the suit. I wasn't really mad either. With a defeated sigh, I dropped my spider-suit to the floor and I collapsed into my bed.

I remember not bothering to change into pajamas, or crawling into the covers. I laid stomach down in my undergarments, letting the cool chill draft over my skin. My fingers curled into the bedsheets.

I remembered the look on Miguel's face, and his apology as he kissed my hand. After hearing what had happened to him, to the person he cared for and their universe, why would I allow him to go through the pain of potentially losing someone again? Why would I allow him to go through the pain of wanting to be with me but he can't? It's for the best. Right?

If I allow myself to like you, to love you. . . You and everything you love will be gone because of me. . .

"Oh, Miguel. . ." I mumbled as I reached for a pillow and dragged it to my side, holding it tightly. "I already lost something I loved when you said those words,"

I remember crying after that. I didn't remember falling asleep as my eyes opened to the sunlight the next morning to tear stains on my pillows and cheeks. I glanced at the time. I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed.

I reached for my phone, opening the group chat to my dance team.

"Hey, I won't be coming in to practice today. Let the coach know for me. I'm not feeling the best right now," - Lisa

"Oh no! :O What happened?" - Hannah

"I was getting some extra practice in at home and I think I pulled one too many muscles and I just feel. . . sore," - Lisa

"That sucks ass, do you want us to get you anything after practice?" - Kasey

"No, it's okay, I appreciate the thought. I'll just sleep it off," - Lisa

"If you're absolutely sure. Don't hesitate to message us, I'll have the boys get you anything you need! ^_^" - Hannah

"Thanks girls, you're the best :)" - Lisa

I managed a small smile at the messages. As much as I hated lying, I was happy for their understanding. Plus I wasn't ready to explain that the guy that I like who pretended to be my boyfriend to fool the cops can't actually be romantically involved with me otherwise he could potentially destroy my dimension and everyone living in it.