Sponsor me.

1

I stand in front of my mirror and lift my shirt.

Day one.
Day one of being back in Hogwarts and I'm ecstatic.
Well, until now.

My stomach looks huge.

No, my stomach is huge.
That's not even the worst part, my collar bones, the ones I'd worked so hard to stick out the way they did. The chest bones that took months to become visible.
They're gone, disintegrated.

I am huge.

I let out a groan of frustration and became hot headed with anger. How can one gain back the weight that took months to loose in weeks? I'd been gone from Hogwarts for three months, twelve long agonising weeks. It was either that or be sent away, which is quite frankly my worst nightmare, just below being out of control of course.
I looked more sick than I really was, my weight wasn't as low as I'd like but my appearance was zombified which is what caught attention. They fed me up, forced me into therapy and said if I complied I'd be back within a few months.
I was. Finally
It was fun at first, I ate and ate for the first seven days and saw no change, this is perfect I thought, my metabolism has improved and I won't gain any weight!

Boy was I wrong.

After week one the weight set in, straight to my stomach, face and chest.
Yes I might feel more energetic and potentially alive but that came along with severe irritability and after months of numbing my emotions I forgot how overpowering my self hatred was. And now I felt fat.

I stopped being watched after month one and I immediately tried to restrict again, to loose the weight I'd unfortunately taken on.

Have you ever tried to stop eating again after getting a taste of all the glorious food you weren't allowed for 6 months? No?
Well if you have you'd know how frustrating impossible it is. Your brain is screaming to stop but your pesky hands have a mind of their own.

Ultimately I failed.
I was so hungry, I couldn't stop eating. It was never ending. I thought it would stop after a week or so but it didn't. I couldn't take it anymore and I'd ran out of space on my arms to injure.
I hit a new low and then came back my old enemy, the one I thought I killed two years ago.

I'd stick to my calories in the daytime until night hit, along with the extreme hunger.
I'd eat my feelings away until I could no longer choke anymore in and I'd stick my fingers down my throat until they all came flying back out. Nonetheless I wasn't loosing weight but at least I wasn't gaining so rapidly. The specialists claimed me as stable, blamed my relapse to the previous war and agreed to let me go back.

"We have had a discussion and decided since you claim to be happier in Hogwarts and you say it will aid and progress your recovery further, you may go back..." He paused and briefly looked to the nurse on his left, almost hesitantly. "On one condition."

I had locked that part of the conversation in the lock box at the back of my brain.

"You will have a sponsor."

A fucking what?
Yes, you heard. A sponsor. Like fucking AA.
I just want to be skinny I'm not a junkie.

They said I'll have to have a sponsor for the first month of being back, if everything is okay then they will be dismissed. They didn't tell me what happens if everything is not okay.

Light work.

I stare at my puffy face in the mirror while subconsciously pinching the skin on my stomach. "You're fat and ugly." I repeated for the fifth time in the last hour.

The knock at my door startled me, it was more of a couple of half hearted kicks. I pulled down my shirt and turned around, glancing at my still packed trunk.
Before I could take another step the door opened for me.

I paused in shock. I looked at the boy leaning against my door way. The boy that I hadn't spoke to since fourth year. The obnoxiously attractive death eater.

He smiled sarcastically.
"Phoebe Milan"

His eyes subtly but rapidly roamed me from head to toe, he was holding a notebook.
"You've got some curve back."

I'm not eating for a week.

I grit my teeth, overwhelmed by the comment.
"Fat you mean?" I practically seethed.

He rolled his eyes. "No."

Lies.

Painfully wounded by those words I instinctively clutched my stomach as if I've been stabbed.

I wish I'd been stabbed. Suck it in Phoebe.

"What are you even doing here?"

He stared at me nonchalantly.
"Sponsor duties."