They all believe, this isn't the real me, this isn't the animal I became! I will control myself. My anger gets the best of me! No matter what I do, my anger burns inside me! Wanting someone to get hurt. Love? That's the cure I thought, I loved someone so much I forgot my problems, depression, and anxiety was gone! I felt happy and wanted! Than you tossed me away like you people do to the world!! You
sat there and watched me crash, break, burn!! DIED! Depression and Anxiety didnt take long to come back. Frozen inside, without your touch! Throwing back my hands letting myself grow on you! Like I was just your puppy! I'm not your puppy! IM A HUMAN!! You can't leave me on a highway! My thoughts came back my depression was worst! But there was one thing that was there I didn't know I had in me. Anger! Anger was burning inside me! Seeing you acting all fine! Everything you ever said to me was a lie! Every word!!! I was sitting there crying but I know I shouldn't waste my tears on you! I saw you with another girl moving on so fast! Asking me if I still loved you! Asking me if I was okay? Are you stupid?? You know my problem but yet you made me your puppy! I'm not fine! Seeing you, I wanted to hurt you! Ive never wanted to hurt you, but here I am thinking of horrible things I wish happend to you! And I can't face it. I pretend to be your friend, acting all fine, and happy, when honestly, I'm missing you, missing our conversations, our long nights on the phone, stay up all night with each other, calling each other names like dipshit, and asshole. But most of all I miss loving you! I don't know what I want anymore, i don't know what makes me happy anymore! Some people will say "your being dramatic about this relationship, love is not always the answer" Well if your me and had my problems and depression, love is the only thing you got. I just wish I wasn't me! I stayed up for days wondering what did I do wrong, how could I be better. But than it hit me. I'm a freak. Who would love someone like me huh? I don't even love myself. I wouldn't blame you for leaving. I just wish I wasn't here anymore. Maybe some other world would except me for me not for my body or even looks. But for me and my fucked up mind. You know? Just running away from everything! But knowing you won't get far. You can't run forever. And if you do soon enough those memories will catch up with you. And destroy you again. I think I could be a better person. Not only for me but for my friends and family. But than again I rather have a fucked up head and heart than lie my way through life!
