Memories Of An Old Friend (satosugu)

Chapter 2

The next morning, Satoru wandered through the apartment. An already cold tea from the night on the coffee table, his own body far too warm and nervous. Sleeping had become an option by now, not something his body absolutely needed. Still, he would have liked to rest this night, let his nerves and thoughts recover from the burdens of the previous day.

That night, however, he had found no rest on Suguru's sofa. Everything in the apartment had reminded him too much of Suguru, smelled of him, had his residues. It pained him to be here, and yet leaving Suguru alone in his despair would be even worse. In every way, Satoru would torment himself with the fact that Suguru would always be far from his heart.

His heart sometimes beat so fast, ached so much that Satoru was afraid it would stop if he gave in to the peace of sleep.

The morning sun shone gently into the apartment, making Satoru look up and see the window. Only now did he notice the flowers on the windowsill. Their leaves and blossoms were magnificent.

The sight of the flowers disturbed him, spreading a bitter feeling in his mouth that became more sour the deeper it slipped into his body. Satoru didn't like flowers.

Back in his school days, he had once tried to keep them alive. He had borrowed books from Suguru, had tried to memorize all the requirements for simple houseplants. He had looked after them, perhaps paying a little too much attention. Stroked their leaves, smiled at new ones.

But the plants died whether he gave them too much water or too much sun. When he tried to do the opposite, they died too.

So it made no sense how much affection, how much love he gave them. It would always be too much or too little. Was his love never enough, either underwhelming and hurtful or overwhelming and violent. It took a compost heap full of dead plants, a lost friend and a lonely heart to realize this.

"I forgot to water them" Suguru interrupted the silence and thoughtfulness beside him, "I hope they forgive me"

Satoru hadn't realized how the other had snuck up on him. Until a few seconds ago, he had thought that he was the only person awake in the apartment, Suguru sleeping peacefully in his room. His lips opened to wish the other a good morning, but in the end, not a single syllable fell from his open lips.

Like a shadow, he watched a scene he didn't know if he was allowed to watch. Was it so full of affection that it took his breath away. Suffocating him with grace, for so long he had only seen these feelings flawed in the world and now here they were, pure in this moment.

Suguru stood in front of the windowsill, the soft light of morning shrouding his lean yet tall body in a golden glow. A small metal watering can clacked as he watered the plants in front of him. Their leaves rustled as he carefully examined them. The love of Suguru was calm, it was always enough, it was the gentle ray of sunshine in the morning that woke his face with kisses of warmth.

He gently apologized to the plants with light touches and humming, water moistening their dry roots and a slight smile on his lips. For a moment, he looked calm and content. A state that Satoru had rarely, perhaps never, seen him in. For Suguru had always been consumed by worries, by his own technique and his life.

A life full of curses that turned into one.

"Do you like plants, Satoru?" Suguru turned to him, putting the watering can down next to the flower pots.

"They are beautiful, but unfortunately I don't have a green thumb," Satoru replied, taking the other's stance as an invitation to stand next to him.

Together they looked out of the window. Satoru, because he couldn't withstand the other's gaze. The proximity to him set his heart racing, made his palms sweat and his eyes glaze over with fear. Slowly but surely, standing next to the other would kill him.