"Are you ever going to tell me what happened to your phones?"
Jim sighed, not quite used to the feel of the new phone in his hand. It had taken them a month to find an area where Claire could go into a city and get decent new phones, relying on payphones (which were few and far between) to call home in the time between. Given the lack of pocket change available, the calls had only lasted long enough to assure their family that they were safe. The new phone was bigger than his last, which was a huge help for his larger fingers, but it was a different operating system. Not to mention that he only had a few phone numbers memorized in the first place — his mother's, Claire's (which was irreverent now that she had a new phone and number too), and Toby's.
"Mine drowned," Jim explained to his mother on the other end of the line. "It gave its life for the greater good."
Barbara laughed, "Dare I ask?"
"Long story short," Jim chuckled lightly, tugging on Claire's hand in his to pull her around an upturned root that she wouldn't see in the dark. She squeezed his hand lightly, trusting his guiding movements. "A rescue mission gone awry. Mud and water were involved, and my phone said 'sorry, dude, I'm out!'"
"And Claire's?" His mother asked with another laugh. "Did hers drown too?"
"Er... no," he replied, slightly embarrassed at his actions. "I, um... I threw it at a tree, and it turned into a thousand pieces."
"...why?"
Jim remained silent for a moment, resisting the desire to release Claire's hand in favor of tugging on his horn in anxiety. He felt a surge of calm from his mate, and he squeezed her hand gratefully.
"Dad found her number and called..." he said in a quiet voice. He knew Claire could hear him, but she merely hugged herself to his side and pulled his arm around her shoulders. "I... he said some stuff, and I lost my temper."
Barbara made a disgusted noise and he could picture her rolling her eyes. "Well, that explains why he keeps trying to call me. I'm pretty sure Walt is ready to sniff him out and cut off his gronk nuks."
"Tell him I'll help," Jim said, half-serious and half-joking. "It'll be a good step-father and son bonding experience."
"Speaking of bonding experiences..." she said, her voice stern. He frowned in confusion, not sure what his mother could be hinting at. They had only just gotten their new phones less than an hour before, so he hadn't told her anything about him and Claire being Troll Married.
"Yeah...?" Jim dragged the question out, nervousness building in him — which, of course, then made Claire nervous, which made him even more nervous. "What? What?"
"Calm down," Barbara laughed, and he did a bit. If she was laughing, then it couldn't be too bad. "We've got those charms, so we were all talking, and we decided to visit you tomorrow!"
"...and when you say 'we'..."
"Me, Walt, Toby, AAARRRGGHH!, Ophelia and Javier..."
Okay, it was that bad.
"Oh..." Jim laughed nervously, lying through gritted teeth. "That sounds great, Mom... But, you know, may-maybe we could wait... you know, until we're in a better area, and—"
"No..." Barbara interrupted in an amused voice. "I think tomorrow will be just fine."
"Why are you doing this to me?" Jim whined into the phone, only half-playfully. "You could just hire a hitman, instead. It would be kinder."
"Oh, stop being so dramatic," his mother laughed. "Don't you want to tell Toby the good news?"
"You know it's not Tobes I'm worried about," Jim growled, lifting Claire over a fallen tree without breaking stride.
