"Bella and I will never be afraid to talk to each other."
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She is doing what she told me she would do.
She's making me forget, but as she does that she is making me remember about moments I want to forget. She is making me remember about moments wheere the both of us were at the peak of our friendship. She is taking me back to the winter of eight grade where we had all gone up to a cabin during our winter break to enjoy some time away from home.
The place we went to was different but as Valentina slips a hand in mine and tugs me toward the area we are going to be skiing down from, the lauhter that we used to share runs through my head.
"Oh my God, Teo. I'm so excited."
"I'm sacred, bella. I haven't done this before."
"Oh, Teo, this is my favortie activity!"
"Will you teach me?"
"Of course."
"What if I fall?"
"I'll try not to laugh at you."
"You're so mean."
"You love me."
I do. I did. We joked around a lot but there was never a time where I didn't love her before highschool. She was all and everything I knew and I wouldn't trade that for the world. Some people are lucky enough to find the person they'll love forever in their life, I'm lucky to find the person as soon as she was born.
I was lucky.
I'm not sure the status of our relationship now. I would be lucky enough for her to be friendly to me. Maybe she was being friendly to me but I wanted her to be genuinely worried about me. I think about her and I think about how much we are going through and I think "wow, bella has come back to me" but then I remember her words.
We are nothing.
If we were nothing then was I right to feel her finger trailing up my chest and up to my cheek? Was I right to smile at how she flirted with me? Was I right to want more?
I didn't want to cross any boundaries between us and I needed to remind myself of that before saying or doing anything stupid. We still haven't discussed the reason for our break up in the first place.
How are we to rekindle something old when we don't even know what that is?
I know, for me, what that is but what about for her? We couldn't go anywhere without getting on the same page. I know we should talk about it and there are many opportunities for me to bring it up but then I think about whether I want to break what we have now. What we have right now isn't ideal but I didn't want to risk it by bringing up the past.
