𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐬 ˢᵛᵗ

thirty four ♬

"You're absolutely sure that you don't have your phone on you?" I questioned Seokmin frantically.

"For the billionth time - no I do not," He replied, then went to sit on the floor beside me. "Shouldn't you have the keys?"

"Soonyoung must've taken them when he left," I held my head in my hands, thinking of a solution. "This week just keeps getting worse and worse, huh?"

I leaned back against the wall closing my eyes, the weight of my problems sinking into me. My body grew heavy with exhaustion.

"Since you won't talk to me about what's up," Seokmin began. "I'll say something instead."

It was too much effort stopping him, so I let him carry on.

"Do you remember how I told you that someone from my past came back to haunt me?" He asked. "I was speaking about Kang Paris, that girl you met on your survival show."

"Jeonghan did mention you guys had a rough past," I said.

"That's one way to describe it," He laughed bitterly. "Paris tormented me during my school days and had this crazy obsession over having me as hers."

"I'm so sorry I had no idea," I sat up straight, shuffling closer to him. "If I'd known I would've punched her stupid face on national tv."

"Ahh so dependable! My hero!" He teased, before returning to what he was saying. "Paris drove me to my lowest, and if I didn't leave that awful situation, I wouldn't have found my true passion for singing. Nor would I have ever met you and all the others."

"What I'm trying to say is," He continued. "Sometimes life needs to get a little complicated so that you can realise what truly matters to you. For the rest of my life, I will despise Kang Paris for what she did but her actions led me here, and I will never forget that."

The two of us sat together in a comfortable silence for a couple of minutes.

"I don't know what I'm doing anymore, Seokmin," I finally admitted, a sense of relief washing over me as the words escaped my mouth.

"Do any of us?" He responded, gently smiling.

His reply offered me some much needed consolation.

"Do you wanna know why I even became a trainee?" I asked, hoping he would say yes as I needed to get it off my chest.

"Tell me," He said, turning around to fully face me to listen.

"When I was 2, my dad died in an accident," I said. "He took me on a day out to the park when a kid's ball rolled on to the road. He never saw the lorry coming. It devastated my mother beyond words, and she was never quite the same afterwards."

Seokmin silently took my hand in his and squeezed it supportively.

"I wasn't the brightest student. My grades were below average, mainly because I never had the time to study - I had to look after my mom. Even when I was at school, I was too busy berating the other kids for whispering behind my back about my situation. Thank god I had Jeonghan. If it wasn't for him, I'd have lost my mind a long time ago."

I checked to see if he was still listening to me, and he was.

"Most of all, I hated the way my mother used to look at me; like I was something to be pitied. I tried to make friends and engage in extracurriculars, but it never worked out to my favour. When Jeonghan disappeared, I was so utterly alone I just couldn't take it. I craved for a fresh to start, for a place where I could reinvent myself to be a person I wanted to be."

"So you came here," Seokmin answered softly. I nodded.

"It was no surprise since my parents were both music students at university. I only wished it was under better circumstances. Ever since I got here however, I am the happiest I've ever been and I would give up anything if it meant I could stay."

"Then what's holding you back?" He asked. "Why are you so sure that you're going to fail?"

"Because I'm scared that this is all I'm ever going to be," It came out as a whisper. "That I'm always going to be seen as the girl who can't do anything right. Seokmin, what if, for the rest of my life, I never change?"

At that point, without realising, I was crying. Everything that I'd kept bottled up was now flowing out.

Wordlessly, Seokmin pulled me into a hug as he wrapped his arms around me and I buried my sobs into his chest.

"It wouldn't matter to me whether you change or not," He said. "I will always like who you are, regardless of who you choose to become."

I clutched him tighter as my heart ached.

If only he knew how I felt and how much that meant to me....

-

"Jeez that was embarrassing," I chuckled, wiping away the rest of my tears. "I must look a mess, right?"

"Well I did say there would be plenty more times for us to get emotional," Seokmin joked, nudging my shoulder playfully. "Oh and I should probably mention that you look like an angry jellyfish when you cry."

"Wow kicking me when I'm down? That's cold Lee Seokmin," I said, and we shared a laugh.

"Do you feel better?" He asked, brushing a piece of hair away from my face. The unexpected action caught me off guard.

"Much better," I chuckled nervously, realising how close we were. "Would you look at the time?We should find a place to sleep for the night."

I quickly stood up and widened the gap between him and I, pretending to search the room for a suitable place to rest. Completely unbothered, Seokmin got up too and followed.

"How about we sleep over there?" He leaned over my shoulder, pointing to the space in front of us.

"What? Like together!?" I exclaimed a little too loudly, startling Seokmin.

"Why not? It's a perfectly large enough- OH NO YOU THOUGHT I MEANT THAT!" He stumbled backwards, protectively covering his body. "No! God no! You know what? I'll take this side!"

He practically ran to the opposite end of the room and curled up in the corner, his back facing me.

I was blushing furiously, embarrassed that I said that.

Look like an idiot in front of your crush? Check.

After composing myself, I turned the lights of in the dance room and settled into a comfortable position on the floor.

"Goodnight Seokmin," I softly called out, praying I hadn't weirded him out too much.

"Goodnight Chae-ri," He said, turning around to face me and giving me a smile.

As I tried to sleep, Seokmin and Mingyu's words from earlier replayed in my mind.

"Sometimes life needs to get a little complicated so that you can realise what truly matters to you."

"Fight for your place here! Fight for your friends, your future - fight for me!"

I finally realised what was important to me.

"I'll give 'em hell tomorrow, Mingyu, you have my word," I whispered to myself.

"From now on, I'll fight for my life."