𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐬 ˢᵛᵗ

forty eight ♬

"What the hell was that back there!?"

Seungkwan came storming after me, ensuring that the door had closed behind him. His expression was furious, and it actually seemed like he was pissed off at me and not JJ.

"She tried to kill me! I have every right to be mad!" I snapped back, sinking into one of the nearby benches. "Don't tell me you wouldn't have done the same."

"It was an accident. What happened wasn't on purpose," He sighed, pinching the the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes. "You can't just make a big scene like that in front of strangers. This isn't Pledis. These people don't know you."

"Are you kidding me right now? Kwan - I expected you out of all people to understand why I'm feeling this way," I threw my hands up in frustration, slouching against the wall. "What she did was uncalled for. And it seriously could've hurt me."

"You talk about her likes she's not the same JJ you've known for the past six months," Seungkwan shot back, standing with his hands on his hips. "The two of you may not be on the best terms at this very moment, but she's still your friend."

"Oh really? Would a friend shamelessly flirt with the guy you're interested in right in front of you, even after you told them that you liked him?" I asked, my tone mocking.

"Don't you dare discredit her like that - she likes Wonwoo and you know it," Seungkwan gave me a disappointed look, which admittedly made me feel guilty for making the comment. Deep down, I didn't know myself why I was behaving like such a bitch over the situation when I could've simply tried to sort this with JJ. But I just.....didn't. Partly because I didn't know whether I'd be able to contain my emotions, but also due to the fact that I was starting to believe the things she said about me. That maybe I am selfish, awful person.

I leaned my head back against the solid wall, searching for some kind of answer I could give him to explain my outburst - but I came up with nothing. Letting out an exhausted sigh, Seungkwan slowly walked towards where I sat and took the empty place beside me, copying my position.

"Seungkwan..." My voice came out quieter than expected, but I continued despite that. "...do you think that I'm a bad person? You can be honest, I won't get mad."

Although I wasn't looking at him directly, I could sense his hesitation. After a minute of thinking, he carefully collated a response and answered my question.

"No, I don't think you are. But lately, I don't think you've been acting like a good person either," Seungkwan turned his head to face me, taking my hands into his and giving them a squeeze to convey his affection.

"Chae-ri, I get it - I do. What you feel for Seokmin, that can't be easy to deal with on your own. But you have to start realising that that's not everything there is to life," His gaze was soft, almost pitiful. "You can love him, but you can also extend that love for your friends too. You can just be a regular teenager without thrusting yourself into some whirlwind romance, because it's taking over your life and transforming you into this person that you are not."

"I mean....what's the end game here?" I could tell that he was going to hit me with another harsh blow, but was trying his hardest to be gentle about it. "Okay, so the two of you date. What are you expecting will happen after the both of you have fully fledged careers? I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but fans don't exactly take it well when they discover their favourite idol is in a relationship."

"We'll figure something out and make it work," I responded, yet I was unable to convince myself of my words. What Seungkwan was saying, and what Soonyoung had mentioned before, was right - realistically, I have been doomed from the beginning. This was never going to work out, no matter how hard I wanted it to.