Love's healing touch

Echoes of Change

Months slipped away and my longing for Pixie only intensified, like a flame refusing to be extinguished. I was grappling with an unfamiliar version of myself, one that struggled to concentrate on the simplest tasks, as if I was walking through a thick fog. A constant urge to cry welled up inside me, leaving me feeling hollow, as if a piece of me was missing. This emptiness started to erode my relationships, casting a long, dark shadow over my interactions, tainting them with sadness.

I was unsure of how to ask for help, a feeling as uncertain as standing at the edge of a cliff. What if they didn't care, or couldn't help, and all my stress would be for nothing? Would my fears just echo back at me, unanswered? I was uncomfortable with this new version of myself. It was terrifying not knowing what was coming, like a storm brewing in the distance, but I could sense a change, and it unsettled me, making my heart pound with anxiety.

I was having a hard time maintaining friendships, like trying to hold water in my hands. I didn't know what to do. I craved affection, yet I constantly felt excluded and as if I was the butt of their jokes. I wasn't sure if they were toxic, if I was overthinking, or if it was a bit of both. My horse and, at times, my mum, felt like my only friends. It hurt when my mum would yell at me, and I'd end up feeling guilty, as if everything was my fault. The guilt weighed on me, heavy as a stone. She just didn't understand how I was feeling.

I discovered a singer, Billie Eilish. As soon as I started listening to her music, I was hooked. I could relate to her lyrics, they made me feel understood. They wrapped around me like a comforting blanket. It made me realize that what I was going through was something she had experienced too. Her words echoed my own feelings, making me feel less alone. She made me feel safe, like a lighthouse in the storm of my emotions.