writer in the dark

how to love you

I'm sorry
This is not a love letter
I do not know
How to love you

Many would scorn me
For this transgression
I would not blame them
Even for a single second

How can I not love
Your blazing sun
Dazzling the land
With colour and life

Roots grow so thick
Trees grow so tall
Touching your sky
Thanking your blessings

The water in your soil
The flora on your lands
Animals roaming that
Aren't found elsewhere

Streets bustling with
Cars and bikes and stalls
Food sizzling, cars honking
Shouts and laughter

The sharp smell of sate padang
Over charcoals red with fire
The chatter of schoolchildren
Merrily eating after the last bell

A coconut so comically large
Slashed by a thick blade
Its elixir sucked into eager lips
Cooling throats dry with heat

Rain so awe-inspiring
Mesmerising in its torrent
Lightning painting purple
On a starlit black night

I am a fool
Who cannot love all this
It is not your fault
I am a fool

I have known only isolation
My house's imprisoning walls
My mother's cruel scrutiny
My schoolmates' taunting scorn

In a land so rich with life
Full of possibilities
By its very nature
I feel suffocated, trapped

I cannot even get past
My depressing disposition
To make this apology longer
To even make it rhyme

I can only hold your gifts
In ungrateful hands
Wet with tears and longing
I can only say

I'm sorry
I wish this was a love letter
I wish I could understand
How to love you.

give me a chance to leave again and I'd take it in a heartbeat.