Lying Flatt: Book one: Glory Days

     Lying Flatt: Book One, Glory Days.

By Elijah Brahmi

"The liar's punishment is, not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else."

-Gorge Bernard Shaw.

Prologue:

Herb Bean took a deep breath, checked his analytics, and let his finger hover above the trackpad as he stared blankly at his computer screen. Dejected, he exhaled as he finally pressed the record button. The second that little red light flickered on, his droopy frown flipped into a stretched, well rehearsed grin.

"Hey Beanie's! Welcome back to my channel! You're just in time for music history Monday! Don't forget to like and subscribe and smash that like button, below! Today, we're going to be talking about a pretty controversial figure, with a pretty wild history, that I'm going to bet most of you haven't heard of! So, you know the drill, most of today's spicy content is going to get...you guessed it, demonetized! So, if you guys can donate to my Patreon this month, it would be a huge help! You'll get lots of cool perks, like extra videos of me eating a sock full of whip cream, and videos about why capitalism is super-duper bad, while I make rainbow cocktails for pride month naked covered in glitter foam in my bathtub...No pressure though! But hey...ya boy's gotta pay rent and eat too! Also, I know you freaks keep asking if I have an OnlyFans, the links to all that are all in the description below. Anyway, back to the video, what the hell was I talking about?"

Herb squinted at the cue cards laid out before him on his floating bookshelf. Herb was always a little embarrassed when he forgot his lines, he used to be a child actor after all, but at the end of the day, he was just glad his millions of subscribers could only see from the waist up, sparing them the sight of his skin tight, booty shorts, with the words "The music in me" written across the butt. I mean, how could he show his new merch line, before it was even released!? What was he, some kind of monster?

"Look Beanies, I know daddies been off for a while, and no ,I didn't get covid, or monkeypox. I'm fine, but all of your millions of messages were so sweet, even the ones from my stalker, love you stalker Pete, still have that restraining order against you but nice to know your still keeping busy during pride month! I just left to take some time off for my mental health. I went to some concerts and now, changed some lives and now I'm back full time! So, for this video, I know you guys voted in the poll on my community tab for a deep dive on underrated queer figures in punk history. And since it is pride month, and I AM, a man of my word, I thought I'd treat you guys! So, who is this unsung hero of punk, the Beyoncé of the American underground Punk movement on everyone's mind Honey, swept aside by history! Who is this bitch you may ask? Well...I hope you have your popcorn, get yourself a White Claw, get your bestie and get cozy, because baby, do I have a story for you!" He paused, checking the smeared makeup in his monitor, making sure he looked snatched, as he braced himself to talk about such as serious topic.

"We on my channel pide ourselves on spotlighting underrated Rock n roll icons, and today were going to talk about of one my personal hero's, Lester Flatt. His story has everthing Beanies: orgies, outings, New York, and New Jersey, the 1980s, identity theft, Church Punk, Black Power, Gay infighting, The Red Hot Chili Peppers! It's got Madona, fat acceptance, S & M, shapeshifting, insanity, making love with his guitar named Paul Simon, Time Travel, feuds, affairs and scandals with every famous person in the scene you could think of! It's got Princeton University, MTV, ACT up, Magic, unexplained mysterious activity relating to the space-time continuum, and a Frankie Goes to Hollywood record that is still missing to this day. I mean what more could you want!? The world has been denied his story for forty years. I have spent the last two days of my very busy and interesting life doing research on this, all for you guys, because I love you. People ented rock n roll, David Bowie and Mick Jagger had kinky sex in his upstairs bedroom, well time is up! I know then all those close minded bigoted Karens who didn't let me play Lil Nas X at Prom, and refused to hear his story and so many others like it for decades are gonna plug their stupid ears and tune me out, but guess what bitches, want to talk about the great Lester Flatt, also known as Mack Lasher, the prince of CGBGs. Witch is a high honor, considering the kind of company he was keeping if you know what I mean, hah! If you Remember in our Last video, we talked about about CBGBs, and Maxes, were one of the most infunecetal punk rock venues in New York City, and posibbity the world, the bands that came out of there, changed the shape of music history forever. People like The Remones, Blonde, Television, The Stoges, the Veltet Undergound, Talking Heads, the Misfits, The Remones, all grasped their greasy stage, but Lester, was the wildest of them all. Only difference is, you probably heard of all those guys before, your dad probably loved them, or maybe you even got into them because of my channel or other music history channels like us (Am I giving myself to much credit? Never.)