To be Loved

Thomas

Thomas Williams
5:34 pm

I took her whale watching and watched the look of amazement go across her face. We learned about Cacao beans and ate some delicious chocolate. We went on a helicopter tour and ended up in a waterfall. I then took us to a spa afterwards. We went a an open bar and buffet and now we're stargazing. The sky is a beautiful blue green color with wonderful stars.

"I had fun." She says, turning to look at me.

"Me as well." I say, already looking at her.

"I never want to leave." She says wistfully.

"We don't have to. We could stay another day."

"I can't. My court date for the divorce is Tuesday. I don't know what my lawyer did but I'll be divorced hopefully by Wednesday." She says smiling.

"Are you sad at all?"

"Yeah, I mean I really thought we were going to be together forever. Now look at us. I hate him and now he wants to work on a marriage that he stepped out of a long time ago. I just wish he'd leave me alone and let me be. I pray he doesn't show up so I don't even have to look at him."

We lay in silence and watch the stars.

"Thank you for today." She says as we walk back.

"I wanted to take you out. I had fun tonight."

"Me too. Walk me up?" She asks.

She leads the way and we make to the front of her hotel room.

"Wanna come in?" She asks, looking back at me.

I know what that means and while I would enjoy fucking her, I also want to be with her.

"Tiana, if I go in there and fuck you what will we do then? Because I don't wanna be just friends. I want you. I want all of you. And if I can't have all of you then I'm not giving you the satisfaction of a release when I know you'll regret it later. Have a goodnight, Tiana." I say, kissing her forehead.

***

It's been 3 days since Hawaii and I've been busy with my mother and looking after my dad's business. I miss Tiana and I wonder why she hasn't called.

"Thomas!" I hear Tyson call after me.

"Yeah." I say, passing him the spliff.

"You still thinking about Tiana sexy ass?"

"Yeah."

"You should've just fucked her. I mean I would've. Especially with a clear invitation. I woulda..."

"Alright, nigga have some respect." I say, inhaling the smoke.

"My fault."

"And like I said, I'm tryna be more than a fuck. I'm 30 years old, a grown ass man. I'm over the hitting and quitting that's for horny niggas and little boys. If I woulda hit, I woulda never heard from her again."

"Shit, you ain't hear from her now." He laughs.

"Shut up, nigga." I say, pushing him and hugging the blunt.

***

"Boy, why is you standing over me?" My mother asks, opening her eyes.

"You haven't been out the bed in days now. I'm worried." I admit.

"I'm good, son. Please don't worry about me. Your father is watching over me. Tell me about Tiana." She says, sitting up.

"Well, I might've messed up." I say sitting on the chair across from her.

"How?"

"We happened to be in Hawaii at the same time and we went exploring together. At the end of the night she invited back to her hotel room. But I know what that meant and I want to be more than that, Ma. I actually want her, I have for a while."

"You'll just have to be patient with her. As you have told me, she has only ever been with one guy, her whole entire life. You're new to her. I say support her but don't push her into anything."

"I don't and I am patient. I just wish it wasn't so complicated."

"Love never really is."

Love? I don't love Tiana. I mean I care for her. And I want to be with her but I don't think I love her. Or maybe I do.

"Ma, when did you know you loved Dad?"

"No one can ever give you a straight answer like that. For me, it was when he met my parents. I got to see how hard he worked to get them to like him. But I think it was way before that, probably when he made sure I never stepped in a puddle or never touched a door handle or provided for me. The truth is I never knew until I knew."

***

"Haven't talked to you in a while." I say when the FaceTime connects.

"Nigga, please, I'm coming down there tomorrow. Coming to see auntie." My cousin says.

"She'd love that. She really needs family right now."

Marcus is my cousin on my dad's side. He's my dad's nephew from his sister who died giving birth to him.

"Of course, you know I'm always down for my aunt. You gon' pick me up from the airport. Imma bring Yolanda."

Yolanda's his long term girlfriend.

"For sure. You didn't even need to ask."

After a little conversation we hang up. I get in the shower and ready for bed when my phone rings.

It's Tiana!

"Nowww you wanna call a nigga." I tease.

"Boy, stop it, like the phone doesn't work both ways." She says.

"I figured I would give you the time and space to call me. Didn't wanna be pressuring you and shit."

"When have you ever pressured me?"

"I'm just saying after how Hawaii went down, I didn't want you to feel obligated to have me in your life."

"Thomas, please I like you in my life. I hope you like me in yours."

"I do." Most definitely.

"Good, because I was thinking I would come see Mama Williams."

"She'd love that. 3 visitors in one day. It'll really lift her spirits. She's been in bed for days now."

"Don't you worry. I might even bring Kayla's boys or Maddie. Children really lift you up."

"She'll feel the love. I really appreciate you for that."