worth a thousand words | Yalı Çapkını - SeyFer

2

Another failed attempt.

It was their second round of using medications to stimulate Seyran's ovulation and it resulted in another negative pregnancy test. 

Seyran felt tired, worn out, her hope diminishing. 

She and Ferit wanted to explore every possibility before going the IVF route, and they were fast running out of options. 

In a few weeks, it would mark their second year of infertility, and the thought of approaching that "anniversary" left Seyran with a hollow feeling.

Seyran rubbed away the tears marring her cheeks and stood up from the floor where she was sitting cross-legged. She looked at the pregnancy tests one more time before throwing away all but one. She kept all her negative pregnancy tests for keepsake, in the hope that one day when they finally managed to conceive she could look back and see the evidence of their perseverance. 

-------------------------------

Ferit noticed Seyran's discouraged demeanor the moment he caught her face in the lobby. She had come to Ferit's office because they agreed to have dinner together. Ferit walked up to Seyran and watched as she tried to school her features into something of a happy expression. 

"Sweetheart, let's go."

Ferit didn't want to waste any time, he looped his arm around his wife's waist and ushered her towards the lifts. He knew she was struggling to keep up the facade of happiness because they were in public and amongst his employees and colleagues, and Ferit wanted to take his wife away to a place where she'd feel safe enough to let down her guard. 

They got down to the underground parking lot and Ferit walked Seyran briskly towards his G-Wagon. He opened the door for her and helped her inside, taking a quick glance at her face and brushing away a stray tear that she didn't manage to hold back.

After he got seated in his seat, he shifted his upper body sideways to give her his full attention.

"Sweetheart, you can tell me now. You're safe here with me."

Seyran silently gazed at him as tears ran freely down her cheeks. She took the tissue offered by Ferit and wiped her tears, only for more to rain down her face. 

"Seyran..."

Ferit could only cluck his tongue in distress. He hated seeing his wife cry.

"I- I took the test. It came out negative again."

Ferit exhaled once, then again. He closed his eyes briefly to digest the news. 

They had been trying in earnest, they'd gone to the best specialist Turkiye has to offer, she'd gone through test after test, and he'd helped inject different kinds of medicines into her body to help them conceive... and yet it still resulted in tears. Tears, disappointment, heartbreak.

 He allowed himself to grieve for another lost opportunity to hold a child of their own. 

Ferit cleared his throat and reached out to Seyran, holding her face between his hands. He tried to wipe the tears on her face as best as he could, and then he placed soft kisses against her face. He kissed away the tears pooling in her eyelashes, he kissed against her soft temple, he kissed and rubbed his lips along her jaw, and he finally gave a gentle kiss against her lips. 

"My darling, I'm right here. Cry if you must, but I won't let you waste away in sadness."

Seyran sobbed against his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his neck. She clung to this man who anchored her to earth. She clung to him as if her life depended on it.