DEAR DIARY ; jeon jungkook.

#1.8: (in)sanity

Dear diary,

It's been a while, isn't it? I'm sorry I was so busy with life that I forgot to write.

Well, that's just a lie.

I was avoiding writing because once I do, it'll finally sink in. I want to live without the realisation of it all.

Maybe I still can.

I can pretend everything is fine.

—  현재

Dear diary,

It has been ten days since the past entry.
I have this overwhelming sense of sorrow right now. That if I don't write it, I'll probably go crazy thinking about this.

I have two things, which one would you like to hear first?

I met my new therapist. I don't like him one bit. It's a man, and he makes me a bit uncomfy. He's so strange and it feels like he's the one who needs therapy more than I do.

I think he's a bit addicted to smoking too. I mean, I might be as well if I had to listen to peoples trauma and comfort them, but that's besides the point. I think I should tell dad about it though.

He put me on antidepressants.

See the thing is, I don't believe him.

Sure, I do feel anxious all the time, and this move has definitely had a huge toll on my health, but I'm trying my best. I don't think I'm depressed. I don't think I need medication.

I do sometimes go through phases of insomnia and if something stresses me, panic seizes my chest and I feel like the walls are closing up on me.

I've been practicing breathing exercises for it.

Remember Eunwoo? He told me about it. We were talking after school when he noticed my meds in my bag and casually asked me about it. I thought he'd shame me for it, but instead he told me he was also under medication. He had lost his father in a very traumatic car accident a year ago, and he told me meditation and breathing exercises helped him a lot with his anxiety.

We met a lot during the weekend, either at the park where he taught me the exercises, or at his home where we did homework together.

I have to admit, hes quite charming.

BESIDES THE POINT

I am prescribed antidepressents but I don't think I need them. It's not like I'm depressed. Just a bit anxious that's all.

You might think oh she's ashamed whatever - believe me, I'm not. I might have the most awareness about these things. But you know I just don't feel like it, yeah?