The Seven Confessions of Celia St. James

Walking in the Bright Lights In Sorrow

"The most famous picture ever take of me, one of them anyways, was captured the first night Evelyn ever kissed me."

I turn off the radio and grip the wheel with both hands, ready for the real ride.

"It was taken the night of the premiere of Little Women."

"Wait. The night you wore that gown? That V neck with that diamond necklace?"

"Oh, that necklace was something. It was her gift to me. Not that she literally gave it to me, obviously, it was a loan, of course, but she'd asked Don to get it for me so I could wear it."

"Really?"

"Yes, it was a big to-do. I didn't have a contract. No way would Sunset Studios lend an expensive piece like that to a freelance actress like me. Don requested it, though, and he was Mr. Big Shot, so they let him borrow it."

"That was nice of him."

"Are you kidding? He did it to for Evelyn. She sure did have him wrapped around her finger back then. I mean, yes, he too had her on a short leash, but he did anything to keep her happy. She is the most gorgeous woman in Hollywood, after all. Anyways, that picture was taken a few hours before Evelyn took me in her arms the first time..."

"No, no, no, back up, start from the start. I want the whole thing."

"If I'm going to tell you from the start I have to go back to Ruby. Back before the movie even finished."

"Ruby?"

"Ruby and Evelyn were not real friends but Ruby thought they would be in an alliance to thwart my chances at the award, or at least she wanted someone she could bitch to about me. That's not how it played out, though. Evelyn and I helped one another and Ruby was left out. I didn't pay her any mind, and she kept to herself mostly, until the day she came over to me in our dressing room at the break of dawn, before anyone else had arrived. Anyone besides me, that is. I was always early, of course. "You and Evelyn have become fast friends," she said. Looking up from my script, I saw her reflection behind me in the glass.

"You're here awfully early," I said, ignoring her comment.

"Look, I'm going to tell you straight. Evelyn might be fucking clueless, but I'm not. I'll admit I wasn't sure, but when Don told me how you were carrying on with her every night after rehearsals, playing Laurie, with a fake little mustache, no less. Then you have the nerve to go around town, arm in arm shopping and what-not. I did a little digging, and honey, I don't think you were acting the love struck teen. In fact, I'd say you have a deviant little crush going." I could feel the vein in my neck throbbing and my palms sweat. My heart felt like a caged bird attempting to break the confines of its rib cage. "Oh, don't give me that look. Your acting might be top notch but you know I'm on the money, honey. No need to pretend with me. Just mind the fact that she's married to, and wildly in love with, her husband, who just happens to be Don Adler." She turned towards her chair. "Fucking dyke," I heard her mutter under her breath, like an afterthought.

"What a bitch!" I say staring straight ahead at the concrete road, gripping the wheel harder, shaking my head.

"I know why she did it, too."

"To throw you off your game, of course."

"I was shooting Beth's final scene that day. The surge in agitation and dread actually helped. I didn't think she'd ever actually tell Evelyn. Weeks and weeks passed. By the night of the premiere I was sure Ruby had lost interest and was moving on, thinking of her next role, her next project. It wasn't as though she had concrete proof. No one had, really. No one besides my English teacher back home, I guess. Anyways, I got a call from Evelyn on the day of the premiere and she let me know she got the necklace. "Robert is thrilled to be your date tonight, of course, the lucky bastard," she said. I held in the groan. That evening I drove to Evelyn's place. Gwen waited in Don's room, my black dress strewn on their bed. Evelyn was already ready in her emerald gown. "You look terrific!" I said. She did a little spin to show off.