Cryptic As Hell (A Short Story Compilation)

Short Story #3: Lava Is Just Orange Juice with Extra Steps

... And so, shortly after I fell off the cliff, I was in this unbelievable place, kinda sketchy, and really warm. I think it's hell, but not sure. The customs agent from the afterlife didn't even specify that.

I got in, and a dark, polluted sea is over there, with millions of active volcanos all over, standing mighty above the waves. Tons of people were sitting on them. The ratio was just a tiny bit over one person per volcano. Almost everyone seemed to have a volcano for themselves. I saw a vacant one in the distance, swam all the way up there, and took a seat. Of course that, volcanos will be volcanos, so after 30 seconds, I had warm lava on my back. For whatever reason, it didn't hurt. I actually swallowed a bit, and it tasted like orange juice.

But anyways, as obvious, I was pretty devastated. It all looked way too dark, and depressing. If I wanted to socialize, I'd have to swim all the way to the other volcanoes. And to be fair, all the other people were depressed as fuck, and probably I shouldn't disturb them.

It was getting really boring. It was then, that I hear a familiar sound. It was getting louder, and louder. It was my ring tone. Didn't even recognize it at first. I thought to myself "Dude, this song is awesome... But wait, why is it playing here? Sounds too upbeat for hell."

And then I realized... It was my ring tone. My phone was still on my pocket. I pick it up, and it was a call from my good old friend James.

"Dude, what the fuck, you're not gonna believe this. Your cousin just said you died. That bitch scared me for a second. I actually thought it was true. Good thing she's just drunk."

"Nah, actually she's right. I'm in the afterlife right now."

"Yeah right... Listen, this prank only works if I'm high, and I quit weed 7 months ago, so you might as well drop it."

"Dude, I'm serious! I just died. I'm in a volcano, and I just drank lava. It tastes like orange juice."

"Alright. I'm in heaven, then. A unicorn just pissed into my mouth. It tastes like ice-cream. It's like Vanilla, and Strawberries.

Needless to say, I laughed, which further reduced the credibility of my statements. James then continued.

"So, anyway... Tomorrow I'm throwing a party. It's been 10 years since we last saw our high school friends. You should come."

At this point, I should have just tried to tell him that I was dead. But instead, it went like this:

"Is Diane gonna be there?"

"Your high school crush? Yeah, I invited her. She's still hot. Not sure if single, though."

"Single or not, I'm shooting my shot... Hey! That rhymed!"

"Hahaha, nice one, man... So yeah, I'll see you tomorrow!"

He hung up. And now I didn't know what to do. I was panicking. It's gonna be the most depressing moment ever, when he realizes that the reason I'm not there, is because I died. It's gonna be so awkward, when they think he's gone insane, after he mentions our conversation. Oh God, what do I do?

I then decided to do the worst possible thing I could do. I texted another friend, and he gave me Diane's number. And then I called her.

"Hello? Who's this?"

"Diane? Hi, I'm Damon. The guy from your high school. We used to sit together at maths. I was just calling, because -"

"Because of Spenny's party? Yeah, I'll be there."

"I know... By the way, since I have nothing left to lose, I may as well say this: Back in high school, I had a major crush on you. Sorry for not having the balls to say anything. But listen, I was wondering if you'd like to go on a date with me."

"Gosh... That's a lot of info to take in 10 seconds... But yeah, sure. We can go on a date, and see where it goes from there. Just make sure you show up tomorrow at the party."

"Got it!"

She hung up. Turns out an old man from the volcano next to mine was eavesdropping on me. He swam to my volcano, looked me in the eyes, and said:.

"Kid, you gotta try to find a way to show up at that party. Otherwise you'll just embarrass yourself."

And he's right. I honestly still have no idea what's going on, nor do I know if there's any way I can come back to life... But I'm coming to that party, one way or another : )