The boulevard of the dead and other stories

The profound

"You're on the edge now."

"I know."

"At least you made it this far."

"Yes," I replied, as I looked at my feet on the edge. A few feet away from them was the deep.

"What will you do after this?"

I repeated the questions in my mind over and over. "What do you mean?"

"You've made it this far. What now? What happens next?"

"I don't know yet."

"You still have time to decide."

"What do you think I should do?"

"I don't think I'm the one to answer that. Are you going to jump?"

"I still can't say for sure," I replied in frustration.

"You're on the edge now," the voice repeated calmly. "And you must decide what to do next. From my perspective, you have two choices: you can jump in and see what's in the deep end, or you can retrace your steps and leave, no big deal. At least you have time to decide."

"I have to decide," I commented, though the voice this time didn't respond, so I simply added, "Do you think when I get to the bottom, to the deepest part, I'll see anything else? Or will I just be met with darkness?"

"When you get deep in the water you can find out. But, I suppose it must be a very dark place, although, there is also the possibility that you will see the sun's rays filtering through the water, although I don't know clearly. I think you'll be able to see the colored water; it would be nicer that way."

"I understand," I replied, as I moved a little closer to the edge.

"Will you jump?" the voice repeated.

"I don't know yet. I'm deciding."

"Right..."

"What if I stay at the bottom? In the Profound?

"I don't think you'll want to stay, at some point you'll need to get out."

"What if I don't want to come out? What if I stay in the deep end?"

"I guess I'll stay to keep you company. Although, I don't think you'll want to stay" and, taking a pause, the voice added, "If you get to the bottom, I'm sure you'll immediately have the need to get out."

"You're pretty sure of that, aren't you?"

"Yes. Because I've seen it. I've seen you."

"What if you're wrong? What if I like being deep in the water better?"

"You're not meant to be in the deep end. You're not meant to be in the deep end."

"You never know," I replied, though I knew that's not exactly what the voice meant. In fact, I didn't know what it was referring to entirely.

"Will you jump?"

"I think so. I think I should jump."

"Do it then" and as if it had occurred to it, the voice added, "If you jump, you can tell me if my assumptions were right or wrong. You can always come back, though."

"Why do you want me to jump?"

"You decided you wanted to do it before I did. Besides, it's not the first time that you've done it."

"But I haven't jumped that deep. It scares me."

"Anyway... You don't have to stay at the bottom. You can come back up."

"Yes, I know. It's just that... I hesitated, still staring at the water. I'm slowing things down, aren't I?"

"No. You're just holding yourself back. Like I said, you still have time to decide."

"You're not helping me..."

"My intention was never that."

"Anyway... I answered. I think I'll do it now. Although..."

"You're afraid."

"Yes."

"Well, just remember why you wanted to jump in the first place."

"What if I forget?"

"You're still on the edge-was his only answer."

"I'll jump now."

"Do it then." commented the voice with a hint of disappointment. It was the last thing I heard, before all sounds were muffled by my fall into the water. As I opened my eyes, I noticed how the sun's rays filtered through the water, which was moving slightly from the weight I had just received. There was nothing else. There was only me. And, little by little I felt how my feet reached the bottom, hitting the ground. After a few minutes, I noticed how the water made me rise little by little towards the surface, impregnating my lungs with air.

"Can you hear me?" I inquired.

"I hear you."

"There's nothing else: everything's calm."

"Yes."

"I'm the only one here."

"Yes, you're not on the edge anymore."

"Not. Not anymore."

"You're in the deep now," the voice commented, as I let the water move around me. "You're in the deep and you're floating. Now you're floating."

"I think so..." I answered, as I took a breath of air. "Now I'm floating...."

"And what are you going to do now? You've already reached the edge, and you decided to jump. And once you jumped, you got to the bottom, to the deep end, and then you came to the surface... And then?"

"I must swim. I think I have to get to the shore."

"And then?"

"I'll find out once I'm out of here."

"I'll go with you," was the voice's only answer, as I let myself drift for a few more minutes in the water.

"Thank you."

"You know we'll meet again, right?"

"Yes, I know."

"I thought that you'd forgotten."

"I don't think I can do it. Even if I try, I know you'll always be there. You're always there."

"I'll always be there," the voice repeated, as I turned and began to swim toward the shore."

"Everything was illuminated by the sun's rays, so yes, you could say there were colors."

"When you got to the deep end, were you afraid?"

"That's why you're here, isn't it?" I asked, as I crawled to the shore and stood up. "No, I wasn't afraid down there."

"But, on the edge, yes, I was afraid. I was afraid to jump."

"Of course you were."

"You didn't expect me to jump."

"I never expect anything, you never know what will happen," was the only answer, and after a short pause the voice added, "I'll see you soon, and you know that, don't you?"

"I'm sure we will," I said, as I said goodbye to the voice and retraced my steps, still smiling.